January 27, 2014
(I'm actually writing this on Tuesday, the 28th.)
Yesterday kind of sucked. No, it did suck. As I've aforementioned, the communication between the construction foreman and the rest of us leaves much to be desired. Apparently, there was a...rather wide gap in communication yesterday. We were told the crew wasn't going to be here until around noon. What time do they actually show up?
7:45AM!
So, as you can imagine, that was very unexpected, especially for my mother, God bless her soul, who was busying herself in the kitchen, trying to get our diabetic doggie fed, and men are crashing around on the back deck causing a bunch of racket and blasting their stereo.
They removed the covering on the outside of the kitchen window whilst Mom was standing right inside the at the counter. Dust and dirt and whatever else littered the counter-tops (as well as anything else that might have been lying around unsuspecting).
Needless to say, we were all pretty upset about that. Don't misunderstand; I'm glad progress is being made, I want our house to be completely repaired as soon as possible and for that to happen the work has to be done. What's upsetting about it is the apparent lack of consideration for us and our schedule.
We've tried to inquire multiple times as to when they'll be working and at what times so that we can do our best to be out of the house and out of their way. Continuously we get the same run around. Either it "depends on the weather," which, I understand that to a certain extent, or they tell us one time and show up at another. In my opinion, that's inconsiderate and disrespectful.
So I'll be relieved when all of this is over with. It's pretty much a pain in the ass.
What they actually did yesterday was remove all the old boards from the floor of the back porch and put new ones down. Definitely looks a lot different. They also had to go up in the attic yesterday afternoon for something. I don't really know what they were doing, but I heard what sounded like sawing. So, not sure about that.
January 28, 2014 - Tuesday
This morning I was forced to get up before 8 o'clock. For me, getting up even before 10 is something to be proud of. (I don't remember if I've mentioned it, but I have a chronic sleep disorder.)
We got up, got ourselves ready, and brought all the necessities with us out to the camper. It's been a while since we've had to stay out here. I'm sitting in here now as I write this.
I was so tired this morning that I felt like I needed more sleep to be able to function properly.
So I lay down on the bottom bunk and snuggled deep down in my sleeping bag, trying to warm up a little. It took me a while to fall asleep again, but I did sleep, however stiffly, for a while. My neck and shoulders are sore, but my mind feels more awake than it did first thing this morning.
The crew arrived as we were heading out the door earlier. I think they're gone now. They came to put the new door in on the back side of the house and touch up a few things here and there on the actual porch. I think there are some more guys coming sometime today to inspect the drywall/ceiling damage that was made by the roofers.
It's super cold and overcast today. I think there could be a chance of snow later. I love snow, but I really hope it holds off at least until we get some insulation back in the attic.
According to Google it is currently 27 degrees and is expected to snow. Heh...
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Thursday, January 23, 2014
Day 9 of Construction
January 23, 2014 - Thursday
I woke up this morning and thought it was a lot later than it actually was.
Even so, I dreaded getting up. I was still so tired, my whole body weighed down with sleep deprivation. Even after spending most of yesterday in bed, due to stomach issues, I was (am) still exhausted.
As I laid awake trying to convince myself to get up, (and eventually succeeding) I noticed my dog acting weird. He kept going over to the window, and, looking out towards the yard, he would wag his tail like he saw a friend out there. I thought maybe he could see one of the other dogs in the yard or something. But then he would back up real quick like something scared him. So, still in bed, I leaned over and moved the curtain to try to see out the window. That's when I noticed a ladder with a man standing on it.
And then begins the banging.
Today the construction guys were putting some underlayment on the roof. (If you're interested in knowing more about that aspect of roofing, here's a piece of information.) Basically what it was like for us, the inhabitants of the house, is this: "BANG BANG BANG! BOOM BOOM! *THE FOUNDATION SHAKES!* BANG BANG! BANG!!!"
We had some things to do in town, so we left as soon as possible. The crew was gone when we got back. I have no idea if they're coming tomorrow or not. I didn't think they'd be here today, due to the snow and fierce winds, but they came anyway. We don't know the work schedule, what days they'll be coming and what days they aren't, other than the weekend.
I'm thankful that these guys are fixing our house. I know it can't be easy or enjoyable being out in the cold and wind all day. I know I wouldn't want to be. I'll be really glad when it's all finished though. And especially glad when we get insulation back in the attic. Yes, I can almost feel the warmth.
Almost.
But not really.
I woke up this morning and thought it was a lot later than it actually was.
Even so, I dreaded getting up. I was still so tired, my whole body weighed down with sleep deprivation. Even after spending most of yesterday in bed, due to stomach issues, I was (am) still exhausted.
As I laid awake trying to convince myself to get up, (and eventually succeeding) I noticed my dog acting weird. He kept going over to the window, and, looking out towards the yard, he would wag his tail like he saw a friend out there. I thought maybe he could see one of the other dogs in the yard or something. But then he would back up real quick like something scared him. So, still in bed, I leaned over and moved the curtain to try to see out the window. That's when I noticed a ladder with a man standing on it.
And then begins the banging.
Today the construction guys were putting some underlayment on the roof. (If you're interested in knowing more about that aspect of roofing, here's a piece of information.) Basically what it was like for us, the inhabitants of the house, is this: "BANG BANG BANG! BOOM BOOM! *THE FOUNDATION SHAKES!* BANG BANG! BANG!!!"
We had some things to do in town, so we left as soon as possible. The crew was gone when we got back. I have no idea if they're coming tomorrow or not. I didn't think they'd be here today, due to the snow and fierce winds, but they came anyway. We don't know the work schedule, what days they'll be coming and what days they aren't, other than the weekend.
I'm thankful that these guys are fixing our house. I know it can't be easy or enjoyable being out in the cold and wind all day. I know I wouldn't want to be. I'll be really glad when it's all finished though. And especially glad when we get insulation back in the attic. Yes, I can almost feel the warmth.
Almost.
But not really.
Sunday, January 19, 2014
Day 6, 7, and 8 of Construction
January 14, 2014 - Tuesday - Day 6 of Construction
Awoke once again to noise. Lots of noise. The electricians were here doing what electricians do. Lots of electrical stuff. And you wouldn't think that would be very noisy. But it is.
It was raining all day, so the construction crew couldn't do anything outside, though a few of them did stop by to talk with each other about their progress and what needed to be done next. We were hoping for some kind of schedule, but when dealing with outdoor work a lot of the planning depends on the weather.
One of the guys measured the kitchen "window." That's about all I know. Another guy actually took his boots off on the mat so as not to get our floor all muddy. I thought that was a pretty nice gesture.
After a while we decided to go get lunch from a little cafe out town. As we were getting ready, the electrical people were about to take a lunch break also. One of the guys said they were going to McDonald's and asked me if I'd like them to bring back something for us. I said no thank you, but I thought that was really nice of him to ask.
By the time we returned home they had finished; we actually passed them on the road not far from our house. All of the overhead lights/fans were back up and the electricity was back on in my room. Praise be!
January 16, 2014 - Thursday - Day 7 of Construction
Today the electricians came by again and this time they didn't do too much banging, which was appreciated by me. They put in overhead light fixtures in all the rooms that didn't already have them, (except mine) and fixed the outside lights on the back porch where they'd been damaged by the fire. It didn't take them long to do those things.
That about sums it up for the work done today.
January 17, 2014 - Friday - Day 8 of Construction
Ah, the last work day of the week. We had some things to do today, so we weren't home whilst the crew worked on rebuilding the roof over our back porch. It wasn't there when we left, but it was when we got back. It is a very nice roof, I might add. Way better than the old one. The old one leaked. Not cool. But this one is great.
I have no idea what next week will consist of. My life right now is basically, "Take whatever comes at you with as much serenity as you can muster."
Note: I apologize that this post is being published a bit late. I haven't had much time for blogging this past week; life is crazy. Also, I know it's not the most exciting thing to read about. I personally prefer creative writing, and maybe it shows when I write fact instead, but I just wanted to write about the construction as a way to sort of kep a record of what's been going on concerning the repairs and whatnot. If you stick with me, there will be more stories and other, more interesting things.
Thanks for reading!
Awoke once again to noise. Lots of noise. The electricians were here doing what electricians do. Lots of electrical stuff. And you wouldn't think that would be very noisy. But it is.
It was raining all day, so the construction crew couldn't do anything outside, though a few of them did stop by to talk with each other about their progress and what needed to be done next. We were hoping for some kind of schedule, but when dealing with outdoor work a lot of the planning depends on the weather.
One of the guys measured the kitchen "window." That's about all I know. Another guy actually took his boots off on the mat so as not to get our floor all muddy. I thought that was a pretty nice gesture.
After a while we decided to go get lunch from a little cafe out town. As we were getting ready, the electrical people were about to take a lunch break also. One of the guys said they were going to McDonald's and asked me if I'd like them to bring back something for us. I said no thank you, but I thought that was really nice of him to ask.
By the time we returned home they had finished; we actually passed them on the road not far from our house. All of the overhead lights/fans were back up and the electricity was back on in my room. Praise be!
January 16, 2014 - Thursday - Day 7 of Construction
Today the electricians came by again and this time they didn't do too much banging, which was appreciated by me. They put in overhead light fixtures in all the rooms that didn't already have them, (except mine) and fixed the outside lights on the back porch where they'd been damaged by the fire. It didn't take them long to do those things.
That about sums it up for the work done today.
January 17, 2014 - Friday - Day 8 of Construction
Ah, the last work day of the week. We had some things to do today, so we weren't home whilst the crew worked on rebuilding the roof over our back porch. It wasn't there when we left, but it was when we got back. It is a very nice roof, I might add. Way better than the old one. The old one leaked. Not cool. But this one is great.
I have no idea what next week will consist of. My life right now is basically, "Take whatever comes at you with as much serenity as you can muster."
Note: I apologize that this post is being published a bit late. I haven't had much time for blogging this past week; life is crazy. Also, I know it's not the most exciting thing to read about. I personally prefer creative writing, and maybe it shows when I write fact instead, but I just wanted to write about the construction as a way to sort of kep a record of what's been going on concerning the repairs and whatnot. If you stick with me, there will be more stories and other, more interesting things.
Thanks for reading!
Friday, January 17, 2014
A Series of Events Part 9
From then until Christmas Matt and I didn't bring up that subject. The subject we had an unspoken agreement to avoid. The subject of our almost-kiss.
I know we both thought about it often. More often than I cared to admit to myself. Even after I realized how much I cared for him, I was still trying to fight my heart.
Matt knew. Somehow I know he knew that I had, indeed, developed feelings for him. Maybe he was more perceptive than I gave him credit for, or maybe I just wasn't hiding it as well as I thought. Yet, even though he was aware of my feelings for him, he didn't pressure me. He must have known there was something more, something I wasn't telling him, but he he waited for me to share it with him when I was ready. For that I was extremely grateful.
It was Christmas Eve. My aunt, Kate, was hosting a Christmas party at her place and told me to invite my friends. I had asked both Anne and Matt to come, though only Matt showed up. I found out later that Anne had received a last minute invitation from Jake (the guy she was obsessed with) to go ice-skating. So of course she never mentioned to him that she had a previous engagement. She did apologize, and even though I knew she didn't really regret it, I forgave her anyway.
My aunt and I have always been close. She's ten years younger than my mom, and ten years older than me. She's not exactly irresponsible, but my mom thinks she needs to act more mature and take things seriously. I don't necessarily agree. I think Kate is a shot of life. I wish I resembled her more. Actually, now that I think about it, she reminds me a lot of Matt.
Tonight her house is decorated with Christmas lights inside and out. She's got icicle lights dangling off the front porch, clear white lights along the roof and on the trees and bushes in the yard, and colored lights lining the garage doors.
Inside there are snowflake decorations on the windows, a little miniature village across her counter top all lit up with white lights, and an enormous Christmas tree in the living room. It's beautiful. This is my favorite time of year. I love seeing everyone in the Christmas spirit.
Making my way through the house, I find Matt in the kitchen. He's talking to Kate's boyfriend, Thomas. They're hovering over the snack table. I smile at Thomas and move around Matt to get some punch. There's so much dessert on the table it's overwhelming. Most of it I can't eat, being gluten-intolerant, but I notice a few plates labeled "Gluten-Free" and I smile. Kate remembered me.
As usual. Leaving Matt and Thomas to their chatter, I head to the living room to sit in front of the fireplace and drink my lime green punch. Most everyone is in the den playing a game I've never heard of. It's mainly family here, though Kate invited a few of her close friends.
Just then she comes in from the other room and sees me sitting there. She grins like she's up to something. I shoot her a quizzical look, but she's already disappeared into the other room. Strange. But knowing her, it could be anything.
"I was going to ask if you wanted some hot chocolate, but I see you've got punch," Matt says, sitting down next to me.
"Yeah. Thanks anyway, though. Did you get some?"
"A little bit. I think I sampled every dessert on the table," he says, laughing. "Thomas seems cool." He starts to roll the sleeves up on his shirt. It's a hunter green cardigan over a white dress shirt. He must be getting warm by the fire.
"He is," I say. "Actually, I think he's planning to propose soon. Everyone except Kate already knows." Just then Kate comes back in. When she sees us she gets this huge grin on her face.
"Do you know where you're sitting?" she asks, as if she's about to reveal some great secret.
"Um, by the fireplace?" I say it like a question. I have no idea what she's getting at. She laughs joyfully. At that moment my parents and a few of my cousins come into the room.
"No," she says. "You are both sitting directly under the mistletoe!" I'm not sure what my face looks like when she says this. I imagine it may appear to be frozen. Not a single feature changing. Then I feel my cheeks warming and I know I'm blushing. I never blush. Ever.
I slowly turn to look at Matt. He's smiling shyly. I've never seen him shy. His eyes seem to inquire: "Is this okay?" For once in my life I don't think. I don't analyze the situation. I don't debate whether I should do this or that. No logic. No reason. I let my heart come out.
I lean slowly toward him, closing my eyes. My heart hammers against my chest. My stomach ties itself into knots. Butterflies? No. A flock of seagulls is more like it.
I feel the warmth of his hand as he touches my cheek. And then, so very gently, he kisses me.
This isn't one of those moments where suddenly it feels as if we're the only two people on earth. I'm distinctly aware of everyone in the room staring at us. But I don't care. I feel like this moment has been building up for a long time. And now that it's happening, it's not what I expected. I don't know what I'd been expecting exactly, but this isn't it. I wasn't expecting to feel so...alive.
It feels like an eternity has passed, but in reality it's only been a few seconds when we lean back and look at each other. Everyone else starts cheering and clapping and I feel my face getting red again. Matt reaches for my hand. This time I let him.
Standing on the back porch, I breathe in the cold air. I needed some space. My cousins kept jabbing me about the kiss and asking when the wedding was going to be. I'm already having a hard enough time trying to deal with all these feelings that have come to the surface so forcefully. It's a lot to process.
The back door opens and Matt walks over to stand next to me.
"Your aunt said she saw you come out here. I wasn't sure whether I should come out or not. I thought you might want to be alone." I look at him and smile. "I do want to be alone," I say. "You can stay." He leans on his arms against the railing, looking very content. I rest my head on his shoulder.
"You know," I begin, knowing that I've got to get this out. "Somehow, and I haven't figured it out yet, but somehow you knew. You knew I'd end up falling for you. And it's not that I didn't want to, exactly. I was just...afraid. I realize that now. I fought it for so long because I was afraid of falling in love again." He straightens and looks right at me. "Someone broke your heart." He doesn't say it like a question. He knows.
"Yes," I say, remembering. "It was a long time ago. About three years, I guess. But I remember it so clearly. I'd been dating someone for almost a year. He was older than me. Not much, but still. He told me he loved me. He said he was going to marry me someday. Stupidly, I believed him. Then one summer he went to visit some friends. At first he called me almost every night. Then he called less and less, until he didn't call at all anymore. He broke up with me the day after he got back with no explanation. I didn't understand why. I didn't know what had happened, why he'd changed his mind about me. I tried calling him, but he wouldn't answer.
"I came to see Kate and told her everything, with tears flooding my eyes. She got pissed. I still don't know how she found out, and she was incredibly reluctant to tell me, but I demanded to know every detail. She said he'd met someone else, and that they had....hooked up. I guess he got tired of me because I wouldn't give him what he wanted. I knew he wasn't the kind of guy I deserved, but it still hurt so badly. The rejection... Later I found out he'd gotten her pregnant and ended up working at McDonald's to support her and the baby. So I am glad that wasn't me.
"But I was still afraid to open my heart to anyone else after that. I was afraid I'd get hurt, rejected, left... And I didn't think I could deal with it again." I've tried to remain composed as I share this painful part of me with him. He's the only person I've ever talked to about it other than Kate and my parents. I never told Anne.
Matt is quiet, a sad look in his eyes. It's more than sad, it's empathetic. I bite my lip, fighting to keep my composure, which I've pretty much already lost. Matt opens his arms and I fall against him, letting the tears flow freely.
He holds me in silence, allowing me time to not be okay. I like that I don't always have to be okay when I'm with him. I can be myself. My real self. He doesn't expect something from me that I'm not capable of giving. He never has. That's why he waited so long. He realized I couldn't give him the love he longed for at the time he hoped for it. But he knew one day I'd be ready. He cared enough to wait for that day.
When I've finally managed to gain control of my emotions, I pull back and breathe in a slightly shaky breath of cold air.
"Bay," he says, taking my small, cold hand in his strong, warm one. "I know you already know this, but I'm not that guy. I'm not going to do that to you. I promise you that. I care about you more than you can imagine. I'm so sorry that he broke your heart. He's a jerk. You deserve a lot better than that. If you'll let me, I'll prove to you that there are still gentlemen left in the world. We can take it slow. Will you give us a chance?" This is it. The moment to decide. Will I give us a chance? Listen to my heart, even though it's been broken before? Will I risk it being broken again?
I look up at Matthew. Handsome, funny, energetic, spontaneous Matthew. Green eyes. Strong arms. And that smile. The same one that's always there. I smile at him and say, "Yes."
I know we both thought about it often. More often than I cared to admit to myself. Even after I realized how much I cared for him, I was still trying to fight my heart.
Matt knew. Somehow I know he knew that I had, indeed, developed feelings for him. Maybe he was more perceptive than I gave him credit for, or maybe I just wasn't hiding it as well as I thought. Yet, even though he was aware of my feelings for him, he didn't pressure me. He must have known there was something more, something I wasn't telling him, but he he waited for me to share it with him when I was ready. For that I was extremely grateful.
It was Christmas Eve. My aunt, Kate, was hosting a Christmas party at her place and told me to invite my friends. I had asked both Anne and Matt to come, though only Matt showed up. I found out later that Anne had received a last minute invitation from Jake (the guy she was obsessed with) to go ice-skating. So of course she never mentioned to him that she had a previous engagement. She did apologize, and even though I knew she didn't really regret it, I forgave her anyway.
My aunt and I have always been close. She's ten years younger than my mom, and ten years older than me. She's not exactly irresponsible, but my mom thinks she needs to act more mature and take things seriously. I don't necessarily agree. I think Kate is a shot of life. I wish I resembled her more. Actually, now that I think about it, she reminds me a lot of Matt.
Tonight her house is decorated with Christmas lights inside and out. She's got icicle lights dangling off the front porch, clear white lights along the roof and on the trees and bushes in the yard, and colored lights lining the garage doors.
Inside there are snowflake decorations on the windows, a little miniature village across her counter top all lit up with white lights, and an enormous Christmas tree in the living room. It's beautiful. This is my favorite time of year. I love seeing everyone in the Christmas spirit.
Making my way through the house, I find Matt in the kitchen. He's talking to Kate's boyfriend, Thomas. They're hovering over the snack table. I smile at Thomas and move around Matt to get some punch. There's so much dessert on the table it's overwhelming. Most of it I can't eat, being gluten-intolerant, but I notice a few plates labeled "Gluten-Free" and I smile. Kate remembered me.
As usual. Leaving Matt and Thomas to their chatter, I head to the living room to sit in front of the fireplace and drink my lime green punch. Most everyone is in the den playing a game I've never heard of. It's mainly family here, though Kate invited a few of her close friends.
Just then she comes in from the other room and sees me sitting there. She grins like she's up to something. I shoot her a quizzical look, but she's already disappeared into the other room. Strange. But knowing her, it could be anything.
"I was going to ask if you wanted some hot chocolate, but I see you've got punch," Matt says, sitting down next to me.
"Yeah. Thanks anyway, though. Did you get some?"
"A little bit. I think I sampled every dessert on the table," he says, laughing. "Thomas seems cool." He starts to roll the sleeves up on his shirt. It's a hunter green cardigan over a white dress shirt. He must be getting warm by the fire.
"He is," I say. "Actually, I think he's planning to propose soon. Everyone except Kate already knows." Just then Kate comes back in. When she sees us she gets this huge grin on her face.
"Do you know where you're sitting?" she asks, as if she's about to reveal some great secret.
"Um, by the fireplace?" I say it like a question. I have no idea what she's getting at. She laughs joyfully. At that moment my parents and a few of my cousins come into the room.
"No," she says. "You are both sitting directly under the mistletoe!" I'm not sure what my face looks like when she says this. I imagine it may appear to be frozen. Not a single feature changing. Then I feel my cheeks warming and I know I'm blushing. I never blush. Ever.
I slowly turn to look at Matt. He's smiling shyly. I've never seen him shy. His eyes seem to inquire: "Is this okay?" For once in my life I don't think. I don't analyze the situation. I don't debate whether I should do this or that. No logic. No reason. I let my heart come out.
I lean slowly toward him, closing my eyes. My heart hammers against my chest. My stomach ties itself into knots. Butterflies? No. A flock of seagulls is more like it.
I feel the warmth of his hand as he touches my cheek. And then, so very gently, he kisses me.
This isn't one of those moments where suddenly it feels as if we're the only two people on earth. I'm distinctly aware of everyone in the room staring at us. But I don't care. I feel like this moment has been building up for a long time. And now that it's happening, it's not what I expected. I don't know what I'd been expecting exactly, but this isn't it. I wasn't expecting to feel so...alive.
It feels like an eternity has passed, but in reality it's only been a few seconds when we lean back and look at each other. Everyone else starts cheering and clapping and I feel my face getting red again. Matt reaches for my hand. This time I let him.
Standing on the back porch, I breathe in the cold air. I needed some space. My cousins kept jabbing me about the kiss and asking when the wedding was going to be. I'm already having a hard enough time trying to deal with all these feelings that have come to the surface so forcefully. It's a lot to process.
The back door opens and Matt walks over to stand next to me.
"Your aunt said she saw you come out here. I wasn't sure whether I should come out or not. I thought you might want to be alone." I look at him and smile. "I do want to be alone," I say. "You can stay." He leans on his arms against the railing, looking very content. I rest my head on his shoulder.
"You know," I begin, knowing that I've got to get this out. "Somehow, and I haven't figured it out yet, but somehow you knew. You knew I'd end up falling for you. And it's not that I didn't want to, exactly. I was just...afraid. I realize that now. I fought it for so long because I was afraid of falling in love again." He straightens and looks right at me. "Someone broke your heart." He doesn't say it like a question. He knows.
"Yes," I say, remembering. "It was a long time ago. About three years, I guess. But I remember it so clearly. I'd been dating someone for almost a year. He was older than me. Not much, but still. He told me he loved me. He said he was going to marry me someday. Stupidly, I believed him. Then one summer he went to visit some friends. At first he called me almost every night. Then he called less and less, until he didn't call at all anymore. He broke up with me the day after he got back with no explanation. I didn't understand why. I didn't know what had happened, why he'd changed his mind about me. I tried calling him, but he wouldn't answer.
"I came to see Kate and told her everything, with tears flooding my eyes. She got pissed. I still don't know how she found out, and she was incredibly reluctant to tell me, but I demanded to know every detail. She said he'd met someone else, and that they had....hooked up. I guess he got tired of me because I wouldn't give him what he wanted. I knew he wasn't the kind of guy I deserved, but it still hurt so badly. The rejection... Later I found out he'd gotten her pregnant and ended up working at McDonald's to support her and the baby. So I am glad that wasn't me.
"But I was still afraid to open my heart to anyone else after that. I was afraid I'd get hurt, rejected, left... And I didn't think I could deal with it again." I've tried to remain composed as I share this painful part of me with him. He's the only person I've ever talked to about it other than Kate and my parents. I never told Anne.
Matt is quiet, a sad look in his eyes. It's more than sad, it's empathetic. I bite my lip, fighting to keep my composure, which I've pretty much already lost. Matt opens his arms and I fall against him, letting the tears flow freely.
He holds me in silence, allowing me time to not be okay. I like that I don't always have to be okay when I'm with him. I can be myself. My real self. He doesn't expect something from me that I'm not capable of giving. He never has. That's why he waited so long. He realized I couldn't give him the love he longed for at the time he hoped for it. But he knew one day I'd be ready. He cared enough to wait for that day.
When I've finally managed to gain control of my emotions, I pull back and breathe in a slightly shaky breath of cold air.
"Bay," he says, taking my small, cold hand in his strong, warm one. "I know you already know this, but I'm not that guy. I'm not going to do that to you. I promise you that. I care about you more than you can imagine. I'm so sorry that he broke your heart. He's a jerk. You deserve a lot better than that. If you'll let me, I'll prove to you that there are still gentlemen left in the world. We can take it slow. Will you give us a chance?" This is it. The moment to decide. Will I give us a chance? Listen to my heart, even though it's been broken before? Will I risk it being broken again?
I look up at Matthew. Handsome, funny, energetic, spontaneous Matthew. Green eyes. Strong arms. And that smile. The same one that's always there. I smile at him and say, "Yes."
Monday, January 13, 2014
Day 5 of Construction
Day 5 of Construction
January 13, 2014 - Monday - 9:43PM
Another morning where I awaken to the sounds of hammering coming from overhead. I was scared a man would fall through my ceiling, however unrealistic that may be. Of course it didn't happen. That doesn't mean it couldn't.
After realizing that I wasn't going to be getting more sleep any time soon, I got up, reluctantly, and went in the living room where the others were sitting on the couch, all wrapped up in blankets.
We sat there talking until one of the guys came in the back door, saying they needed to get into the attic.
Uh...okay?
So he went in the other room, where the opening to the attic is in the closet, but came out after only being in there for a minute or so. Yep, forgot the ladder. I don't think these particular guys (the attic guys) have been here before. The first guy didn't even know which room the door to the attic was in until we told him when he started going in the opposite direction.
After he and another attic guy disappeared into the space above our heads, my sister decided to take a shower (which, I myself was skeptical about, worrying that they might could see through the fan thinger that's in the ceiling of the bathroom). Luckily she got finished before we had to skidaddle right out of our own house.
See, what happened was that my dad had been told by the head construction person that they were going to be working on the outside of the house, on the back porch, so we didn't really need to be out of the house. Apparently these other attic people didn't communicate with the construction crew or Dad; the attic guys had to finish spraying some type of sealer in the attic, the kind from the other day that I guess never got completed. So, they "suggested" that we not be in the house while they do that.
So.
So we were all rushing around trying to get our things together and carry dog kennels down to the basement so the dogs could stay down there, away from whatever fumes were expected to make their way into the house. None of us had had any breakfast and my sister was the only one to get a shower. After taking care of our kitties, we all walked to the neighbors' house, where the rest of us got to take showers and get something to eat. Thank God for neighbors who let you use their shower and eat their food. Amen.
The walk wasn't too bad, except that there was mud everywhere. I could feel my sneakers sinking into the squishy earth with every step. It could have been worse though. It could have been raining. Or snowing. Or frigidly cold. But the weather was nice; around 58 degrees.
That's about it for the construction that was done today. I'm not too sure what they actually did outside, other than take the tarp off the hole in the side of the house, remove the plywood that was covering the window hole, and make a big mess in the kitchen where junk was coming in through the "window." They did re-cover it with one of their sheet type things, fortunately.
As far as I know, the electrician is supposed to be here bright and early tomorrow morning to put all the ceiling fans/lights back in and hook up the wiring so that we can install ceiling fans in the bedrooms that don't yet have them.
Well, it was nice sleeping in yesterday morning. I shall miss it this week.
January 13, 2014 - Monday - 9:43PM
Another morning where I awaken to the sounds of hammering coming from overhead. I was scared a man would fall through my ceiling, however unrealistic that may be. Of course it didn't happen. That doesn't mean it couldn't.
After realizing that I wasn't going to be getting more sleep any time soon, I got up, reluctantly, and went in the living room where the others were sitting on the couch, all wrapped up in blankets.
We sat there talking until one of the guys came in the back door, saying they needed to get into the attic.
Uh...okay?
So he went in the other room, where the opening to the attic is in the closet, but came out after only being in there for a minute or so. Yep, forgot the ladder. I don't think these particular guys (the attic guys) have been here before. The first guy didn't even know which room the door to the attic was in until we told him when he started going in the opposite direction.
After he and another attic guy disappeared into the space above our heads, my sister decided to take a shower (which, I myself was skeptical about, worrying that they might could see through the fan thinger that's in the ceiling of the bathroom). Luckily she got finished before we had to skidaddle right out of our own house.
See, what happened was that my dad had been told by the head construction person that they were going to be working on the outside of the house, on the back porch, so we didn't really need to be out of the house. Apparently these other attic people didn't communicate with the construction crew or Dad; the attic guys had to finish spraying some type of sealer in the attic, the kind from the other day that I guess never got completed. So, they "suggested" that we not be in the house while they do that.
So.
So we were all rushing around trying to get our things together and carry dog kennels down to the basement so the dogs could stay down there, away from whatever fumes were expected to make their way into the house. None of us had had any breakfast and my sister was the only one to get a shower. After taking care of our kitties, we all walked to the neighbors' house, where the rest of us got to take showers and get something to eat. Thank God for neighbors who let you use their shower and eat their food. Amen.
The walk wasn't too bad, except that there was mud everywhere. I could feel my sneakers sinking into the squishy earth with every step. It could have been worse though. It could have been raining. Or snowing. Or frigidly cold. But the weather was nice; around 58 degrees.
That's about it for the construction that was done today. I'm not too sure what they actually did outside, other than take the tarp off the hole in the side of the house, remove the plywood that was covering the window hole, and make a big mess in the kitchen where junk was coming in through the "window." They did re-cover it with one of their sheet type things, fortunately.
As far as I know, the electrician is supposed to be here bright and early tomorrow morning to put all the ceiling fans/lights back in and hook up the wiring so that we can install ceiling fans in the bedrooms that don't yet have them.
Well, it was nice sleeping in yesterday morning. I shall miss it this week.
Crazy Things Christians Post On The Internet
Have you ever seen these insane things that some christians post on sites like Facebook or Tumblr or Twitter? I've seen plenty!
Here are 10 that make me shake my head. (With my own commentary.)
Note: This is meant to be funny, not an attack on anyone.
1. "'Like' for Jesus, ignore for Satan."
("Crap! I have to 'like' this or else I must be a bad Christian!")
2. "You have 1 new friend request from Jesus."
(They're thinking: "Yeah, let's throw him in their faces!" That will save their souls!)
3. "Honk if you love Jesus. Text and drive if you want to see him."
(Do I really need to comment on this?)
4. "For real change, vote Jesus into your life."
(Oh yeah! Jesus for president!)
5. "Type 'Yes' if Jesus is welcome in your home!!!"
(Because if you don't that must mean he isn't and he'll get offended if you ignore this post!)
6. *Picture of Jesus in glasses.* Caption reads - "I had followers before Twitter."
(Hipster + Christian = Fail.)
7. "Will you pray for the homeless? 'Like' - Yes. Ignore - No."
(And, of course, there is always a picture of someone in dirty, ragged clothing who looks as if they haven't eaten in a month; you know, to help guilt-trip you into "liking" or commenting on the post.)
8. "Please don't scroll down without typing 'Amen!' YOUR 'AMEN' WORKS!!!"
(Apparently the word "Amen" is a miracle worker.)
9. "Type 'Me' if Jesus is your Life today!"
(Yeah, because, I mean, it's all about ME, right?)
10. *Picture of someone's hand holding a cell phone with Jesus' face on the screen.* Caption reads - "'Can we video chat, my child?' Type 'Yes' or 'No.'"
(Didn't you know Jesus has the iPhone 5s?)
So, there it is; crazy things some christians post on the internet.
Share if you thought it was funny. Ignore if you hate kittens.
Here are 10 that make me shake my head. (With my own commentary.)
Note: This is meant to be funny, not an attack on anyone.
1. "'Like' for Jesus, ignore for Satan."
("Crap! I have to 'like' this or else I must be a bad Christian!")
2. "You have 1 new friend request from Jesus."
(They're thinking: "Yeah, let's throw him in their faces!" That will save their souls!)
3. "Honk if you love Jesus. Text and drive if you want to see him."
(Do I really need to comment on this?)
4. "For real change, vote Jesus into your life."
(Oh yeah! Jesus for president!)
5. "Type 'Yes' if Jesus is welcome in your home!!!"
(Because if you don't that must mean he isn't and he'll get offended if you ignore this post!)
6. *Picture of Jesus in glasses.* Caption reads - "I had followers before Twitter."
(Hipster + Christian = Fail.)
7. "Will you pray for the homeless? 'Like' - Yes. Ignore - No."
(And, of course, there is always a picture of someone in dirty, ragged clothing who looks as if they haven't eaten in a month; you know, to help guilt-trip you into "liking" or commenting on the post.)
8. "Please don't scroll down without typing 'Amen!' YOUR 'AMEN' WORKS!!!"
(Apparently the word "Amen" is a miracle worker.)
9. "Type 'Me' if Jesus is your Life today!"
(Yeah, because, I mean, it's all about ME, right?)
10. *Picture of someone's hand holding a cell phone with Jesus' face on the screen.* Caption reads - "'Can we video chat, my child?' Type 'Yes' or 'No.'"
(Didn't you know Jesus has the iPhone 5s?)
So, there it is; crazy things some christians post on the internet.
Share if you thought it was funny. Ignore if you hate kittens.
Sunday, January 12, 2014
A Series of Events Part 8
"Can we talk about this?" Matt asks. By "this" I'm assuming he means our almost-kiss. We're still sitting in his jeep. He just parked in front of my house.
"You know, I-I'd rather not," I say. I know I'm being selfish, but I can't dredge up my past right now. It's not the right time. He deserves the truth, but I can't talk about it. At least not today.
"Bailey, I'm sure you've got your reasons, and I'm sure they're good ones, but...we almost kissed. I mean, that's kind of a big deal." He pauses, taking in a deep breath. Letting it out, he continues. "You know, sooner or later you're going to have to face your heart. You might not want to, but it's inevitable. And just so you know, I'm still going to be here when you do." I expect him to turn and smile at me. He doesn't. He opens the door of the jeep and steps out into the cold night air. I follow.
Needless to say dinner was pretty awkward that night. I think my mom sensed that something was amiss between Matt and me, but she didn't ask about it. She did, however, make a big fuss over the fact that we were soaked to the skin. She kept going on and on about how we were going to "catch our death" from being out in the rain in November. She insisted on Matt changing into a pair of my dad's sweats and a flannel shirt. He complied, mainly just to soothe her, I think.
It hasn't been very long since Matt went home, maybe a couple hours. I'm lying on my bed staring at the ceiling when my phone rings. It's him. Confused, I answer. Maybe he forgot something.
"Hello?"
"Hey. Are you doing anything tomorrow?" he says.
"Umm, not that I know of. Why?"
"I was hoping you'd say that. Do you want to go shopping with me?" he asks.
"Shopping? Are you crazy? On Black Friday?" He must be insane. People act mad on Black Friday. He laughs. "Yes, shopping. No, I'm not crazy. And yes, I know tomorrow is Black Friday. That's the point. Massive sales, great deals, and we can get a super early start on Christmas shopping." He sounds perfectly happy and excited. It's impossible for him to stay down for long. I hesitate briefly. I'm not very fond of crowds.
"I don't know. All the stores are going to be packed. It'll be a madhouse out there," I say, trying to use reason with him.
"Please come with me." Apparently reasoning doesn't work. I groan and say, "Don't you have other friends you can ask?" He laughs a little and says, "No. All my guy friends hate shopping. Anne would jump at the offer, but as you know, she's not in the state. If you come with me I'll buy you a gluten-free cupcake and we can have lunch at that new cafe," he says, working his persuasive magic.
"Alright, geez. I'll go. Besides, you had me at cupcake."
We head out really early the next morning, although I don't know how much good it will do. I heard on the news that people have been waiting in line outside of stores the entire night. That's ridiculous to me. I wouldn't even be going out right now if it weren't for Matt. I look over at him as he drives. "So, Captain, where to first?"
"I thought we'd hit the mall first, since that will probably be the busiest. There's an art supplies store in there I wanted to check out."
"What do you need to get in there?" I ask as we pull into the shopping center where the mall is located.
"I'm looking for an easel," he says, circling the parking lot. I don't even see an empty space. After circling again, I spot one and point it out.
"So you're really getting into the art thing, huh?"
"Yeah, I think so. I really like it," he tells me. I smile at him. Maybe that will be it. Art. Maybe that's his passion.
Inside the mall there are people everywhere. I've never seen it this crowded. I follow close behind Matt as he leads the way to the art store, weaving in and out of groups of people. The noise in here is practically deafening. People bump into me without even a backward glance. They just keep walking, so concerned are they with their own affairs.
I grab Matt's sleeve before I end up getting lost in the crowd. He looks back at me and laughs. It's like he's enjoying this. I'm not enjoying this at all. I feel claustrophobic. Too many people. Way too many people.
After what seems like forever we finally make it to the art store. I've never been in here before. It's much larger than I thought. And thankfully there are less people.
Matt seems to know where he's going so I tag along behind him, admiring some paintings as we pass by. I try to search for a restroom while we walk, but I don't see one.
"Do you know where the bathroom is in here?" I ask Matt once we've found the easels.
"Hm, I think it's upstairs. There's a different store up there and I think that's where the bathroom is. Do you want me to help you find it?"
"No, that's okay. I'm sure I can manage. You just stay here and look at these cool...artsy things." He chuckles as I turn and walk away.
Finding the restroom is harder than I anticipated. For one, this is a pretty big store; for another, I'm not even sure where the escalator is to get upstairs. This must be the third time I've walked around the entire ground floor. Becoming desperate for a bathroom, I've just decided to go look for an employee when I see the escalator out of the corner of my eye.
Once I reach the top level I immediately notice the sign hanging from the ceiling with an arrow indicating the direction of the restroom. Now why couldn't the escalator have been that simple to find?
"Matthew! Where the hell are you?" I mutter under my breath, not that he can hear me. I've looked all over the art store and am convinced he's not here. But where else could he be? I'm starting to get worried. Maybe he went upstairs to look for me. Making my way back to the escalator, I ride it up to the top level again. Nope. No sign of him. After another ten minutes of searching without success, I give up and call his cell phone. It only rings twice before he answers.
"Where are you?!" I say, not attempting to hide my frustration.
"Didn't you get my text? I said I'd meet you in Game Buster's once you were finished. I'm sorry. I should have called instead." Agitation still presides inside me, but I try to let it go. Shoving my glasses up and making my way to the exit, I say, "Okay. I'll be there in a minute."
"So you decided not to get an easel?" I ask Matt. We're sitting on a bench outside Beck's Bakery. He kept his word about the cupcake.
"No, I bought one. They put it on hold for me. It would have been slightly difficult to carry it through the mall and across the parking lot. I'll come back and pick it up next week."
"Oh. That makes sense," I say. I laugh when I look up at him. "You've got chocolate frosting on your face. Here."
"Thanks," he replies, taking the napkin from me.
It actually turned out to be a nice day, despite yesterday's downpour. The sun is shining, no clouds in sight, and I'm eating a double chocolate cupcake with my best friend. Not bad.
"You know, I-I'd rather not," I say. I know I'm being selfish, but I can't dredge up my past right now. It's not the right time. He deserves the truth, but I can't talk about it. At least not today.
"Bailey, I'm sure you've got your reasons, and I'm sure they're good ones, but...we almost kissed. I mean, that's kind of a big deal." He pauses, taking in a deep breath. Letting it out, he continues. "You know, sooner or later you're going to have to face your heart. You might not want to, but it's inevitable. And just so you know, I'm still going to be here when you do." I expect him to turn and smile at me. He doesn't. He opens the door of the jeep and steps out into the cold night air. I follow.
Needless to say dinner was pretty awkward that night. I think my mom sensed that something was amiss between Matt and me, but she didn't ask about it. She did, however, make a big fuss over the fact that we were soaked to the skin. She kept going on and on about how we were going to "catch our death" from being out in the rain in November. She insisted on Matt changing into a pair of my dad's sweats and a flannel shirt. He complied, mainly just to soothe her, I think.
It hasn't been very long since Matt went home, maybe a couple hours. I'm lying on my bed staring at the ceiling when my phone rings. It's him. Confused, I answer. Maybe he forgot something.
"Hello?"
"Hey. Are you doing anything tomorrow?" he says.
"Umm, not that I know of. Why?"
"I was hoping you'd say that. Do you want to go shopping with me?" he asks.
"Shopping? Are you crazy? On Black Friday?" He must be insane. People act mad on Black Friday. He laughs. "Yes, shopping. No, I'm not crazy. And yes, I know tomorrow is Black Friday. That's the point. Massive sales, great deals, and we can get a super early start on Christmas shopping." He sounds perfectly happy and excited. It's impossible for him to stay down for long. I hesitate briefly. I'm not very fond of crowds.
"I don't know. All the stores are going to be packed. It'll be a madhouse out there," I say, trying to use reason with him.
"Please come with me." Apparently reasoning doesn't work. I groan and say, "Don't you have other friends you can ask?" He laughs a little and says, "No. All my guy friends hate shopping. Anne would jump at the offer, but as you know, she's not in the state. If you come with me I'll buy you a gluten-free cupcake and we can have lunch at that new cafe," he says, working his persuasive magic.
"Alright, geez. I'll go. Besides, you had me at cupcake."
We head out really early the next morning, although I don't know how much good it will do. I heard on the news that people have been waiting in line outside of stores the entire night. That's ridiculous to me. I wouldn't even be going out right now if it weren't for Matt. I look over at him as he drives. "So, Captain, where to first?"
"I thought we'd hit the mall first, since that will probably be the busiest. There's an art supplies store in there I wanted to check out."
"What do you need to get in there?" I ask as we pull into the shopping center where the mall is located.
"I'm looking for an easel," he says, circling the parking lot. I don't even see an empty space. After circling again, I spot one and point it out.
"So you're really getting into the art thing, huh?"
"Yeah, I think so. I really like it," he tells me. I smile at him. Maybe that will be it. Art. Maybe that's his passion.
Inside the mall there are people everywhere. I've never seen it this crowded. I follow close behind Matt as he leads the way to the art store, weaving in and out of groups of people. The noise in here is practically deafening. People bump into me without even a backward glance. They just keep walking, so concerned are they with their own affairs.
I grab Matt's sleeve before I end up getting lost in the crowd. He looks back at me and laughs. It's like he's enjoying this. I'm not enjoying this at all. I feel claustrophobic. Too many people. Way too many people.
After what seems like forever we finally make it to the art store. I've never been in here before. It's much larger than I thought. And thankfully there are less people.
Matt seems to know where he's going so I tag along behind him, admiring some paintings as we pass by. I try to search for a restroom while we walk, but I don't see one.
"Do you know where the bathroom is in here?" I ask Matt once we've found the easels.
"Hm, I think it's upstairs. There's a different store up there and I think that's where the bathroom is. Do you want me to help you find it?"
"No, that's okay. I'm sure I can manage. You just stay here and look at these cool...artsy things." He chuckles as I turn and walk away.
Finding the restroom is harder than I anticipated. For one, this is a pretty big store; for another, I'm not even sure where the escalator is to get upstairs. This must be the third time I've walked around the entire ground floor. Becoming desperate for a bathroom, I've just decided to go look for an employee when I see the escalator out of the corner of my eye.
Once I reach the top level I immediately notice the sign hanging from the ceiling with an arrow indicating the direction of the restroom. Now why couldn't the escalator have been that simple to find?
"Matthew! Where the hell are you?" I mutter under my breath, not that he can hear me. I've looked all over the art store and am convinced he's not here. But where else could he be? I'm starting to get worried. Maybe he went upstairs to look for me. Making my way back to the escalator, I ride it up to the top level again. Nope. No sign of him. After another ten minutes of searching without success, I give up and call his cell phone. It only rings twice before he answers.
"Where are you?!" I say, not attempting to hide my frustration.
"Didn't you get my text? I said I'd meet you in Game Buster's once you were finished. I'm sorry. I should have called instead." Agitation still presides inside me, but I try to let it go. Shoving my glasses up and making my way to the exit, I say, "Okay. I'll be there in a minute."
"So you decided not to get an easel?" I ask Matt. We're sitting on a bench outside Beck's Bakery. He kept his word about the cupcake.
"No, I bought one. They put it on hold for me. It would have been slightly difficult to carry it through the mall and across the parking lot. I'll come back and pick it up next week."
"Oh. That makes sense," I say. I laugh when I look up at him. "You've got chocolate frosting on your face. Here."
"Thanks," he replies, taking the napkin from me.
It actually turned out to be a nice day, despite yesterday's downpour. The sun is shining, no clouds in sight, and I'm eating a double chocolate cupcake with my best friend. Not bad.
Thursday, January 9, 2014
Day 4 of Construction
January 9, 2014 - Thursday, 10:50AM
Day 4 of Construction
Not much was different this morning than the past mornings of this week. Got up (unwillingly). Showered. Gathered my things; laptop, The Book Thief, notebook. Put my dog on a leash and made my way out the back door and through power cords, angled boards holding beams in place, and hoping my dog and I didn't step on any nails as we walked out to the camper.
Thankfully it isn't too cold today. Not nearly like what it was on Tuesday. It's probably around 40 degrees at the moment. But since it's been so cold of late, we haven't been able to get running water in the camper; the pipes would freeze. That means no use of the sink, toilet, or shower. So, unfortunately, if we have to potty, we have to either hold it or go to the neighbor's since we can't really get back inside our house while they're working on it.
Today the men are setting the new trusses in place, which requires the use of a ginormous crane. Every time I've seen a huge truss swining through the air, I get really nervous, worrying that something will happen and it will fall onto our house and smash it to pieces.
So far so good.
Though it is getting old having to wake up super early every morning and rush to get ready and haul all my stuff out to the camper, I am glad to be seeing some progress. It's been a long time coming, that's for sure. We've been living with a hole in the back of our house for two months now. I'm not sure when that will get fixed, but we're getting there.
The only thing I really hate is being cold so much. Throughout most of the day, some part of me is cold. Hands. Feet. Ugh. I wish I was like Elsa (from Frozen) and could say that the cold never bothered me anyway. But that's not the case, unfortunately. I don't have magical powers to make it snow, or to create a magical snowman who comes to life, or to build a super amazing ice castle. Oh well, we can't all be magical cartoons. That's life.
I suppose that will do for the time being.
Later - 7:50PM
Well, looks like (as of right now) I will get to sleep in tomorrow morning. Win!
I don't think the construction crew is coming back until Monday, due to rain throughout the weekend, starting tomorrow. Luckily they were able to get the roof on today (though it isn't finished). From what I heard it has been water-proofed and covered, so we shouldn't get rained on in our beds or anything. At least, I hope not.
Downsides To Having Your Roof Worked On By A Buttload Of Guys:
1.You have to get up at the crack of dawn.
2. They make a bunch of freaking holes in your ceilings.
3. It's really really noisy.
4. They run you out of your house.
5. You worry that a random man will fall through the ceiling of the bathroom while you're bathing.
By the time all this is over I may have some more stuff to add to this list.
Right now I'm not sure what the schedule will look like for the remaining work that needs to be done. They still have to get the tin for the roof and put that on. And then there's the roof of the back porch, which is nonexistent at present. So that will have to be rebuilt. I'm not sure if the same people will be doing that or not. Then, of course, there's the matter of repairing the damage they've done to the inside of the house. It looks pretty horrible.
Well, I think that will do it for today. I am looking forward to a nice long weekend of somewhat normalcy and hopefully a little extra sleep. And a lot less noise. Oh yeah, sounding good already.
Day 4 of Construction
Not much was different this morning than the past mornings of this week. Got up (unwillingly). Showered. Gathered my things; laptop, The Book Thief, notebook. Put my dog on a leash and made my way out the back door and through power cords, angled boards holding beams in place, and hoping my dog and I didn't step on any nails as we walked out to the camper.
Thankfully it isn't too cold today. Not nearly like what it was on Tuesday. It's probably around 40 degrees at the moment. But since it's been so cold of late, we haven't been able to get running water in the camper; the pipes would freeze. That means no use of the sink, toilet, or shower. So, unfortunately, if we have to potty, we have to either hold it or go to the neighbor's since we can't really get back inside our house while they're working on it.
Today the men are setting the new trusses in place, which requires the use of a ginormous crane. Every time I've seen a huge truss swining through the air, I get really nervous, worrying that something will happen and it will fall onto our house and smash it to pieces.
So far so good.
Though it is getting old having to wake up super early every morning and rush to get ready and haul all my stuff out to the camper, I am glad to be seeing some progress. It's been a long time coming, that's for sure. We've been living with a hole in the back of our house for two months now. I'm not sure when that will get fixed, but we're getting there.
The only thing I really hate is being cold so much. Throughout most of the day, some part of me is cold. Hands. Feet. Ugh. I wish I was like Elsa (from Frozen) and could say that the cold never bothered me anyway. But that's not the case, unfortunately. I don't have magical powers to make it snow, or to create a magical snowman who comes to life, or to build a super amazing ice castle. Oh well, we can't all be magical cartoons. That's life.
I suppose that will do for the time being.
Later - 7:50PM
Well, looks like (as of right now) I will get to sleep in tomorrow morning. Win!
I don't think the construction crew is coming back until Monday, due to rain throughout the weekend, starting tomorrow. Luckily they were able to get the roof on today (though it isn't finished). From what I heard it has been water-proofed and covered, so we shouldn't get rained on in our beds or anything. At least, I hope not.
Downsides To Having Your Roof Worked On By A Buttload Of Guys:
1.You have to get up at the crack of dawn.
2. They make a bunch of freaking holes in your ceilings.
3. It's really really noisy.
4. They run you out of your house.
5. You worry that a random man will fall through the ceiling of the bathroom while you're bathing.
By the time all this is over I may have some more stuff to add to this list.
Right now I'm not sure what the schedule will look like for the remaining work that needs to be done. They still have to get the tin for the roof and put that on. And then there's the roof of the back porch, which is nonexistent at present. So that will have to be rebuilt. I'm not sure if the same people will be doing that or not. Then, of course, there's the matter of repairing the damage they've done to the inside of the house. It looks pretty horrible.
Well, I think that will do it for today. I am looking forward to a nice long weekend of somewhat normalcy and hopefully a little extra sleep. And a lot less noise. Oh yeah, sounding good already.
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
January 8, 2014 - Day 1, 2, and 3 of Construction
Day 3 of Roof Construction
January 8, 2014 - Wednesday
At this moment I am sitting in a 32 ft. camper, eating apple sauce. It is 9:11AM.
After a restless night of very little sleep, (perhaps two hours total, if that) I awoke at about a quarter after 7, took a shower, gathered some of my belongings, and headed out into the cold, to the warmth of the camper, which is our temporary home during construction (at least during the day; we're still sleeping in our house at night).
Looking out the window in the small back room, I can see our horse pasture, which is actually where the camper rests. I can also see cars drive by along the road and clumps of trees here and there.
The sounds I hear are not pleasant. Banging, hammering, sawing. Needless to say it's very annoying. However, be that as it may, I am glad that our house is being repaired from the fire damage that was done back in the beginning of November, and I'm grateful there wasn't more damage than there is.
Looking out the front window, I can see several men on top of our roof, throwing wood and other materials down into our front yard, where another man stands watching, or maybe I should say supervising.
We've got our three dogs out here with us, and, to my surprise and admiration, my dog is being so good about everything that's been going on. I was expecting him to act out and get into things, which would be understandable since his schedule has gone down the crapper just as much as the rest of ours. But I'm really pleased with how good he's being. He's so chill, not seeming to mind at all that life has been flipped upside down. Again. Maybe he's getting used to it. If so, he's doing a better job about it than I am.
Today we have some things to do, some errands to run. My sister has to work later, so I'm not sure what we'll do after that.
As far as I know, construction will most likely take up to two weeks, maybe more. Thankfully the weather is supposed to be warming up slightly as the week progresses.
That is all for now.
Later - 5:22PM
Another day has nearly passed, along with another hole in the ceiling. This time in Mom's and Dad's bedroom. I'm beginning to wonder if these people really know what they're doing. How often do multiple holes happen in roof construction? And we're only on Day 3.
But finally we're back in the house. Thank heavens!
It doesn't feel nearly as cold as it was yesterday. Of course, it hasn't been half as cold out as yesterday either. I'm extremely glad about that.
A few people are still out on the roof right now, spraying some kind of sealer, which I'm told helps to seal the smell of smoke in the wood that isn't being replaced. As it's getting darker by the minute, I'm guessing they'll be leaving any time.
We will be heading out again in about an hour or so to pick up the sister and her man. They decided to see a movie (Catching Fire) after she got off work. Unfortunately my presence wasn't welcome on the date, so I came back home earlier and took a nap in the camper. It definitely isn't a Tempurpedic, but it will suffice.
Tomorrow will most likely consist of the crew putting the roof back on, or as much of it as they can get done in a day's work.
As of now, we are planning on going to see 47 Ronin at the cinema, which I'm still debating on whether I want to watch it or not. I may decide to see something else. If you've seen it, is it good? What did you think of it?
I suppose that will do for today's entry. Headache. Gah.
Day 2 of Construction
January 7, 2014 - Tuesday
I woke up to loud, obnoxious banging coming from above me. I knew what it was, but I thought I wouldn't be hearing it this morning. We'd thought the construction crew wasn't coming because of the frigid temperatures, literally below freezing; about 15 degrees, no higher than 25 throughout the day. But, unfortunately, there was a miscommunication, and they showed up to work before we were ready, and had to rush to get out to the camper.
I had enough time to take a power-shower (a very fast shower) and grab my things and my dog and head out the door. As I was getting out of the shower, about to get dressed, I realized that there was no curtain on the bathroom window, and men were climbing onto the roof from right outside. So, finding a sheet in the linen closet, I climbed onto the bathtub in my towel and managed to cover the blasted window and preserve my dignity.
It was so freakishly cold outside that by the time it took to walk to the camper, my fingers and face were basically flash-frozen. Thankfully it was nice and warm inside the camper, though once the heat cuts off it doesn't take long to get chilly again.
Most of the morning was pretty uneventful. I read a chapter or two of The Book Thief, got on Facebook, and checked my email. But then things started going downhill when Mom realized that part of our electric-rope horse fencing had broken loose and she went out, braving the cold to try to come up with some way to repair it temporarily until Dad got home from work to fix it.
After managing to tie it up enough to keep our miniature horse safely inside, and freezing herself completely in the process, she went in the house and discovered a gaping hole in my sister's bedroom ceiling. Apparently, from what I was told, something happened and one of the guys nearly fell off the roof, and somehow the result was a giant hole in the ceiling. As unfortunate as that is, at least the dude didn't fall off and get seriously hurt. That would probably have been worse than a hole.
We stayed in the camper until the evening when the crew had finished for the day. It was cold and dark out and, to make things worse, our house was extremely cold as well. Even though our outdoor wood furnace was working overtime, it didn't reach any higher than about 65. Big difference when we're used to 75 to 78. Especially after coming in from outside and trying to get warm. We even had the oven on with the door open to let more heat in, though the house wouldn't really retain it, since part of our roof was missing.
Dad decided that we'd be better off getting Mexican takeout for dinner; its quick, it's delicious, and we didn't have to cook it. Needless to say, my sister, her boyfriend, and I were the ones sent to pick it up. And then, as if we needed another obstacle, the car wouldn't start. Awesome.
I called Dad from the car and he came out to see if he could find out what the problem was. Finally he did something that I don't understand and it started! Hallelujah!
It took a while for everything to heat up and we were able to turn the heat on, which helped but wasn't nearly as warm as it would normally have been had we not been having such a freaking cold night.
Once we had the food in our possession, (which smelled amazing, making me realize I hadn't eaten lunch) we stopped by the store for shampoo and then returned home.
My room was the warmest in the house, which was great for me, but not so much for everyone else. Mom decided to sleep in my room, being cold all day and not too keen to attempt sleeping in her bedroom, which was the coldest. I was more than willing to share, though I don't think she slept very much.
I'm hoping that these weeks of construction and restoration will go by quickly and that we'll be back in our house as soon as possible.
Day 1 of Construction
January 6, 2014 - Monday
The morning of day 1 was pretty awful. We all got up around 7 or a little before, thinking the construction crew would be here around 7:30, which is what they'd told Dad. It was messy and rainy and we weren't sure if they were going to start today or not. I don't think they knew either; they sat in their vehicles at the end of our driveway for the longest time, probably waiting to see what the weather was going to do. Finally they drove up and began working on the roof. We headed outside to the rented camper, our temporary home.
This was also the day we were planning to meet up with my sister's boyfriend, as he was coming to visit us, but at this point in the day, we didn't know for sure whether we were going to be able to make it or not. The weather channel predicted heavy snow in his area, and they weren't sure if it was wise to make the trip or not, since he lives a few hours from us. We waited and waited and after a couple hours he texted and said it was on. Hallelujah!
We decided that the best thing to do would be to put the dogs in kennels in the basement where there would be a bit less noise, though still more than enough hammering, banging, and God knows what else. Although, it was rather difficult to actually get in through the basement door because the construction crew had left giant walls of plywood leaning against the side of our house where the basement is. We ended up having to yank the plywood wall away and let it fall to the ground. They'll never know it was us, we said. They'll think it was the wind, we said. (They were on lunch break at the time, gone somewhere to eat.)
After getting our pets settled we headed off to meet the sister's man.
But first, something very important: Lunch. That's right folks - Chick-fil-A!
The food of zombie slayers.
The trip didn't seem very long now that I had chicken and waffle fries inside me.
On the way home a stop was made for chinese food because we were all tired and exhausted and no one felt like cooking anything. (I promise we usually eat much healthier than this.)
When we arrived back home we saw that the entire roof was gone from the back porch, so I guess the crew had made quite a bit of progress.
I stayed up too late, thinking I'd be able to sleep in since, I thought, the crew wouldn't be here the next day due to the frigid temperatures. How wrong I was. But, looking on the bright side, I did get the conclusion finished for my "Series of Events" short story, which will be up on the 5th of February. If you haven't read the posted chapters yet, what are you waiting for? Go check it out!
I'm really happy to have finished it, since often time I will have a great idea for a story and get excited to start it, but then something always comes up and I neglect to complete it. Hopefully I will work to do better about that this year.
January 8, 2014 - Wednesday
At this moment I am sitting in a 32 ft. camper, eating apple sauce. It is 9:11AM.
After a restless night of very little sleep, (perhaps two hours total, if that) I awoke at about a quarter after 7, took a shower, gathered some of my belongings, and headed out into the cold, to the warmth of the camper, which is our temporary home during construction (at least during the day; we're still sleeping in our house at night).
Looking out the window in the small back room, I can see our horse pasture, which is actually where the camper rests. I can also see cars drive by along the road and clumps of trees here and there.
The sounds I hear are not pleasant. Banging, hammering, sawing. Needless to say it's very annoying. However, be that as it may, I am glad that our house is being repaired from the fire damage that was done back in the beginning of November, and I'm grateful there wasn't more damage than there is.
Looking out the front window, I can see several men on top of our roof, throwing wood and other materials down into our front yard, where another man stands watching, or maybe I should say supervising.
We've got our three dogs out here with us, and, to my surprise and admiration, my dog is being so good about everything that's been going on. I was expecting him to act out and get into things, which would be understandable since his schedule has gone down the crapper just as much as the rest of ours. But I'm really pleased with how good he's being. He's so chill, not seeming to mind at all that life has been flipped upside down. Again. Maybe he's getting used to it. If so, he's doing a better job about it than I am.
Today we have some things to do, some errands to run. My sister has to work later, so I'm not sure what we'll do after that.
As far as I know, construction will most likely take up to two weeks, maybe more. Thankfully the weather is supposed to be warming up slightly as the week progresses.
That is all for now.
Later - 5:22PM
Another day has nearly passed, along with another hole in the ceiling. This time in Mom's and Dad's bedroom. I'm beginning to wonder if these people really know what they're doing. How often do multiple holes happen in roof construction? And we're only on Day 3.
But finally we're back in the house. Thank heavens!
It doesn't feel nearly as cold as it was yesterday. Of course, it hasn't been half as cold out as yesterday either. I'm extremely glad about that.
A few people are still out on the roof right now, spraying some kind of sealer, which I'm told helps to seal the smell of smoke in the wood that isn't being replaced. As it's getting darker by the minute, I'm guessing they'll be leaving any time.
We will be heading out again in about an hour or so to pick up the sister and her man. They decided to see a movie (Catching Fire) after she got off work. Unfortunately my presence wasn't welcome on the date, so I came back home earlier and took a nap in the camper. It definitely isn't a Tempurpedic, but it will suffice.
Tomorrow will most likely consist of the crew putting the roof back on, or as much of it as they can get done in a day's work.
As of now, we are planning on going to see 47 Ronin at the cinema, which I'm still debating on whether I want to watch it or not. I may decide to see something else. If you've seen it, is it good? What did you think of it?
I suppose that will do for today's entry. Headache. Gah.
Day 2 of Construction
January 7, 2014 - Tuesday
I woke up to loud, obnoxious banging coming from above me. I knew what it was, but I thought I wouldn't be hearing it this morning. We'd thought the construction crew wasn't coming because of the frigid temperatures, literally below freezing; about 15 degrees, no higher than 25 throughout the day. But, unfortunately, there was a miscommunication, and they showed up to work before we were ready, and had to rush to get out to the camper.
I had enough time to take a power-shower (a very fast shower) and grab my things and my dog and head out the door. As I was getting out of the shower, about to get dressed, I realized that there was no curtain on the bathroom window, and men were climbing onto the roof from right outside. So, finding a sheet in the linen closet, I climbed onto the bathtub in my towel and managed to cover the blasted window and preserve my dignity.
It was so freakishly cold outside that by the time it took to walk to the camper, my fingers and face were basically flash-frozen. Thankfully it was nice and warm inside the camper, though once the heat cuts off it doesn't take long to get chilly again.
Most of the morning was pretty uneventful. I read a chapter or two of The Book Thief, got on Facebook, and checked my email. But then things started going downhill when Mom realized that part of our electric-rope horse fencing had broken loose and she went out, braving the cold to try to come up with some way to repair it temporarily until Dad got home from work to fix it.
After managing to tie it up enough to keep our miniature horse safely inside, and freezing herself completely in the process, she went in the house and discovered a gaping hole in my sister's bedroom ceiling. Apparently, from what I was told, something happened and one of the guys nearly fell off the roof, and somehow the result was a giant hole in the ceiling. As unfortunate as that is, at least the dude didn't fall off and get seriously hurt. That would probably have been worse than a hole.
We stayed in the camper until the evening when the crew had finished for the day. It was cold and dark out and, to make things worse, our house was extremely cold as well. Even though our outdoor wood furnace was working overtime, it didn't reach any higher than about 65. Big difference when we're used to 75 to 78. Especially after coming in from outside and trying to get warm. We even had the oven on with the door open to let more heat in, though the house wouldn't really retain it, since part of our roof was missing.
Dad decided that we'd be better off getting Mexican takeout for dinner; its quick, it's delicious, and we didn't have to cook it. Needless to say, my sister, her boyfriend, and I were the ones sent to pick it up. And then, as if we needed another obstacle, the car wouldn't start. Awesome.
I called Dad from the car and he came out to see if he could find out what the problem was. Finally he did something that I don't understand and it started! Hallelujah!
It took a while for everything to heat up and we were able to turn the heat on, which helped but wasn't nearly as warm as it would normally have been had we not been having such a freaking cold night.
Once we had the food in our possession, (which smelled amazing, making me realize I hadn't eaten lunch) we stopped by the store for shampoo and then returned home.
My room was the warmest in the house, which was great for me, but not so much for everyone else. Mom decided to sleep in my room, being cold all day and not too keen to attempt sleeping in her bedroom, which was the coldest. I was more than willing to share, though I don't think she slept very much.
I'm hoping that these weeks of construction and restoration will go by quickly and that we'll be back in our house as soon as possible.
Day 1 of Construction
January 6, 2014 - Monday
The morning of day 1 was pretty awful. We all got up around 7 or a little before, thinking the construction crew would be here around 7:30, which is what they'd told Dad. It was messy and rainy and we weren't sure if they were going to start today or not. I don't think they knew either; they sat in their vehicles at the end of our driveway for the longest time, probably waiting to see what the weather was going to do. Finally they drove up and began working on the roof. We headed outside to the rented camper, our temporary home.
This was also the day we were planning to meet up with my sister's boyfriend, as he was coming to visit us, but at this point in the day, we didn't know for sure whether we were going to be able to make it or not. The weather channel predicted heavy snow in his area, and they weren't sure if it was wise to make the trip or not, since he lives a few hours from us. We waited and waited and after a couple hours he texted and said it was on. Hallelujah!
We decided that the best thing to do would be to put the dogs in kennels in the basement where there would be a bit less noise, though still more than enough hammering, banging, and God knows what else. Although, it was rather difficult to actually get in through the basement door because the construction crew had left giant walls of plywood leaning against the side of our house where the basement is. We ended up having to yank the plywood wall away and let it fall to the ground. They'll never know it was us, we said. They'll think it was the wind, we said. (They were on lunch break at the time, gone somewhere to eat.)
After getting our pets settled we headed off to meet the sister's man.
But first, something very important: Lunch. That's right folks - Chick-fil-A!
The food of zombie slayers.
The trip didn't seem very long now that I had chicken and waffle fries inside me.
On the way home a stop was made for chinese food because we were all tired and exhausted and no one felt like cooking anything. (I promise we usually eat much healthier than this.)
When we arrived back home we saw that the entire roof was gone from the back porch, so I guess the crew had made quite a bit of progress.
I stayed up too late, thinking I'd be able to sleep in since, I thought, the crew wouldn't be here the next day due to the frigid temperatures. How wrong I was. But, looking on the bright side, I did get the conclusion finished for my "Series of Events" short story, which will be up on the 5th of February. If you haven't read the posted chapters yet, what are you waiting for? Go check it out!
I'm really happy to have finished it, since often time I will have a great idea for a story and get excited to start it, but then something always comes up and I neglect to complete it. Hopefully I will work to do better about that this year.
A Series of Events Part 7
My mind takes me back in time. It's the closest thing to time travel I believe we'll ever have.
It was a little chilly. The sky was overcast. No rain. Yet.
Matt insisted on going to the park. I didn't know why he wanted to go so bad. We only had a few hours before we had to be back at my house for Thanksgiving dinner.
He had decided to quit his classes at the University. His dad wasn't happy about it. At all. He said Matt was making a huge mistake and throwing his future down the drain. Matt didn't budge. He felt he'd made the right decision. Even so, I knew it was hard on him, having his dad constantly lecturing him. I tried to be there for him. I tried my best to be supportive and encouraging. Eventually though, after weeks of nonstop arguing with his parents, he just couldn't deal with it anymore. He moved out. He decided to rent an apartment in town. Anne and I helped him move in and get settled.
"Want to walk to the lake?" Matt asks me. I shrug and say, "Sure." I don't know why he wanted to come here. I mean, who goes to the park on Thanksgiving? But I just went with it. I've learned to (somewhat) embrace his flares of spontaneity.
Anne couldn't come. She's visiting family out of state for the holiday. So it's just me and Matt.
I'm a little worried it might start raining. It's been cloudy and grey all day. I look up at the sky as we make our way to the lake. Definitely looks like rain.
"Why do you have that bag?" I ask Matt. He's got a leather messenger bag slunk over his shoulder. I've never seen it before.
"I needed it to carry my stuff in." He glances at me and winks. I raise one eyebrow at him and squint. "What 'stuff' are you talking about?" He doesn't usually carry extra "stuff."
"I guess you'll just have to wait and find out."
It's not a long walk to get to the lake. No one else is here. I wonder why.
"Will you sit on that big rock over there, Bay?" Matt asks, pointing to a boulder-type-rock-thing beside the water. I look at him strangely.
"Why do you want me to sit on that?"
"Because. I want to sketch you. The lake is a great background," he says, smiling at me. I chuckle a little and go sit on the rock.
"Are you sure you have enough time? We've got to be back by six, you know. I don't want to be late," I remind him. "And since when are you into sketching? I didn't know you liked to draw."
"I used to draw all the time as a kid," he says, sitting down at a picnic table nearby. "Then I started sketching at school when I couldn't figure out the homework. I remembered my parents bringing me here when I was younger, and I thought this lake would be fun to sketch. Especially with such a lovely subject in front of it," he says, looking up from his paper and grinning at me. I roll my eyes and smile back. "Yes, you're really quite charming," I tease him.
"I know."
He concentrates on his sketch, getting a little crease between his eyes. I watch him for a while. He looks up and sees my eyes on him. He smiles in a way I wish he wouldn't; all gentleness and unspoken longing. I read it in his soft emerald eyes. They speak volumes.
I look away. At the lake. At the trees. Anywhere but at him. I just can't stand it when he looks at me like that. It's too much. Knowing I'm hurting him...it's just too much. He tries to hide it, but I know it's there. It's always there, underneath his positive attitude and his energetic personality. And I know he still hopes. He is still hoping I'll change my mind. Develop feelings for him. Will I? Have I?
"So?" I ask. "Are you finished yet?" It's been about an hour and a half. I am beyond the point of discomfort; sore in unmentionable places. The sky seems to be getting darker, threatening to pour out its contents at any moment.
"Just about. I can finish up the shading later. I guess we better head back, huh?" He stands, putting his pad and pencils back inside his bag.
"Well...can I see it?" I ask, slowly stepping forward. He grins and shakes his head. "Nope. Not a peak. You have to wait until it's completely complete," he says, smiling. He's always smiling. It makes his eyes glitter, even in grey weather. It's nice.
Just as we've started back toward the parking lot, the skies open and raindrops fall as if their sole purpose is to drench us.
"Crap! Come on!" Matt yells, grabbing my hand and starting to run. My legs are much shorter than his. It's hard for me to keep up.
"I'm sorry! I can't go any faster!" I shout at him, as he is pulling me harder and harder. After a few minutes of running, Matt stops and, bending down slightly, says, "Get on my back!"
"What?!" I yell.
"Just get on!" I jump, wrapping my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck. He takes off running. We're actually moving faster this way. I can feel the tensed muscles in his back as he runs. With my face so close to him, I breathe in his scent. Mixed with the smell of the rain and the earth, it's like nothing I've ever smelled before. Dirt, rain, dry leaves. And him.
In no time at all we're back in the parking lot. He stops in front of his jeep and I slide off. He turns to face me and laughs. I don't know why we're just standing here. We ran all the way from the lake because of the rain, and now we don't move.
He's so close. As if I have no control over what I'm doing, my hand reaches up and moves his wet hair to the side. Raindrops continue to fall. With my finger, I follow the trail they've made down his face. He steps forward. I can't move. I can't breathe. His face comes closer to mine. Closer. He's inches away. My hand is on his chest. How did that get there? His face is so close to mine. I feel his nose touch my cheek. And with that touch it's like I wake up. I gasp a mouthful of air and jerk myself away. What in the world just happened? I frown and walk around to the passenger side of the jeep and get in.
Matt almost kissed me. I almost kissed Matt. Matt! I can't stop these thoughts from playing over and over in my head as we drive back to my house. I feel so stupid. How could I have let that almost happen?
I can't look at him. I stare out the window, not really seeing anything we pass. I'm so focused on my thoughts that I jump a little when he says, "You're freezing. Here, take my sweater." We're at a stop sign. He takes off his wet jacket and throws it in the back, then removes his sweater and hands it to me. I open my mouth to say I'm fine, but the look on his face makes me take it. I sigh and smile back. I am cold. And his sweater is soft and warm. Like him.
I take off my drenched jacket and pull his sweater on over my head. "Aren't you cold though?" I ask. He's only wearing a t-shirt now.
"No," he says, "I'm fine." I look over at him for the first time since we started home. He's trying to hide his disappointment. It's written all over his face. I hate this pain I feel. It kills me.
It was a little chilly. The sky was overcast. No rain. Yet.
Matt insisted on going to the park. I didn't know why he wanted to go so bad. We only had a few hours before we had to be back at my house for Thanksgiving dinner.
He had decided to quit his classes at the University. His dad wasn't happy about it. At all. He said Matt was making a huge mistake and throwing his future down the drain. Matt didn't budge. He felt he'd made the right decision. Even so, I knew it was hard on him, having his dad constantly lecturing him. I tried to be there for him. I tried my best to be supportive and encouraging. Eventually though, after weeks of nonstop arguing with his parents, he just couldn't deal with it anymore. He moved out. He decided to rent an apartment in town. Anne and I helped him move in and get settled.
"Want to walk to the lake?" Matt asks me. I shrug and say, "Sure." I don't know why he wanted to come here. I mean, who goes to the park on Thanksgiving? But I just went with it. I've learned to (somewhat) embrace his flares of spontaneity.
Anne couldn't come. She's visiting family out of state for the holiday. So it's just me and Matt.
I'm a little worried it might start raining. It's been cloudy and grey all day. I look up at the sky as we make our way to the lake. Definitely looks like rain.
"Why do you have that bag?" I ask Matt. He's got a leather messenger bag slunk over his shoulder. I've never seen it before.
"I needed it to carry my stuff in." He glances at me and winks. I raise one eyebrow at him and squint. "What 'stuff' are you talking about?" He doesn't usually carry extra "stuff."
"I guess you'll just have to wait and find out."
It's not a long walk to get to the lake. No one else is here. I wonder why.
"Will you sit on that big rock over there, Bay?" Matt asks, pointing to a boulder-type-rock-thing beside the water. I look at him strangely.
"Why do you want me to sit on that?"
"Because. I want to sketch you. The lake is a great background," he says, smiling at me. I chuckle a little and go sit on the rock.
"Are you sure you have enough time? We've got to be back by six, you know. I don't want to be late," I remind him. "And since when are you into sketching? I didn't know you liked to draw."
"I used to draw all the time as a kid," he says, sitting down at a picnic table nearby. "Then I started sketching at school when I couldn't figure out the homework. I remembered my parents bringing me here when I was younger, and I thought this lake would be fun to sketch. Especially with such a lovely subject in front of it," he says, looking up from his paper and grinning at me. I roll my eyes and smile back. "Yes, you're really quite charming," I tease him.
"I know."
He concentrates on his sketch, getting a little crease between his eyes. I watch him for a while. He looks up and sees my eyes on him. He smiles in a way I wish he wouldn't; all gentleness and unspoken longing. I read it in his soft emerald eyes. They speak volumes.
I look away. At the lake. At the trees. Anywhere but at him. I just can't stand it when he looks at me like that. It's too much. Knowing I'm hurting him...it's just too much. He tries to hide it, but I know it's there. It's always there, underneath his positive attitude and his energetic personality. And I know he still hopes. He is still hoping I'll change my mind. Develop feelings for him. Will I? Have I?
"So?" I ask. "Are you finished yet?" It's been about an hour and a half. I am beyond the point of discomfort; sore in unmentionable places. The sky seems to be getting darker, threatening to pour out its contents at any moment.
"Just about. I can finish up the shading later. I guess we better head back, huh?" He stands, putting his pad and pencils back inside his bag.
"Well...can I see it?" I ask, slowly stepping forward. He grins and shakes his head. "Nope. Not a peak. You have to wait until it's completely complete," he says, smiling. He's always smiling. It makes his eyes glitter, even in grey weather. It's nice.
Just as we've started back toward the parking lot, the skies open and raindrops fall as if their sole purpose is to drench us.
"Crap! Come on!" Matt yells, grabbing my hand and starting to run. My legs are much shorter than his. It's hard for me to keep up.
"I'm sorry! I can't go any faster!" I shout at him, as he is pulling me harder and harder. After a few minutes of running, Matt stops and, bending down slightly, says, "Get on my back!"
"What?!" I yell.
"Just get on!" I jump, wrapping my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck. He takes off running. We're actually moving faster this way. I can feel the tensed muscles in his back as he runs. With my face so close to him, I breathe in his scent. Mixed with the smell of the rain and the earth, it's like nothing I've ever smelled before. Dirt, rain, dry leaves. And him.
In no time at all we're back in the parking lot. He stops in front of his jeep and I slide off. He turns to face me and laughs. I don't know why we're just standing here. We ran all the way from the lake because of the rain, and now we don't move.
He's so close. As if I have no control over what I'm doing, my hand reaches up and moves his wet hair to the side. Raindrops continue to fall. With my finger, I follow the trail they've made down his face. He steps forward. I can't move. I can't breathe. His face comes closer to mine. Closer. He's inches away. My hand is on his chest. How did that get there? His face is so close to mine. I feel his nose touch my cheek. And with that touch it's like I wake up. I gasp a mouthful of air and jerk myself away. What in the world just happened? I frown and walk around to the passenger side of the jeep and get in.
Matt almost kissed me. I almost kissed Matt. Matt! I can't stop these thoughts from playing over and over in my head as we drive back to my house. I feel so stupid. How could I have let that almost happen?
I can't look at him. I stare out the window, not really seeing anything we pass. I'm so focused on my thoughts that I jump a little when he says, "You're freezing. Here, take my sweater." We're at a stop sign. He takes off his wet jacket and throws it in the back, then removes his sweater and hands it to me. I open my mouth to say I'm fine, but the look on his face makes me take it. I sigh and smile back. I am cold. And his sweater is soft and warm. Like him.
I take off my drenched jacket and pull his sweater on over my head. "Aren't you cold though?" I ask. He's only wearing a t-shirt now.
"No," he says, "I'm fine." I look over at him for the first time since we started home. He's trying to hide his disappointment. It's written all over his face. I hate this pain I feel. It kills me.
Sunday, January 5, 2014
My Top 10 Songs of 2013
I've seen several lists that different people have compiled of their favorite songs from the previous year, and it has inspired me to make such a list as well. So, from the songs listed on this site and this site, I have picked the ones I liked best.
1. Clarity - Zedd Featuring Foxes
2. Counting Stars - OneRepublic
3. Just Give Me A Reason - Pink Featuring Nate Ruess (Clean radio version.)
4. Royals - Lorde
5. Roar - Katy Perry
6. Story of My Life - One Direction (Note: I really like Joey Graceffa and Luke Conards cover of this song, which you can listen to here.)
7. Radioactive - Imagine Dragons
8. Stay The Night - Zedd Featuring Hayley Williams
9. Say Something - Christina Aguilera Featuring A Great Big World
10. Cruise - Florida Georgia Line
So there it is.
It was a bit difficult to decide what order to put them in, but this is as close as I could get. There are, of course, quite a few other songs I really liked that were released in 2013, but these are my top ten.
I hope you enjoy! Leave a comment with some of your top songs from the previous year. :)
1. Clarity - Zedd Featuring Foxes
2. Counting Stars - OneRepublic
3. Just Give Me A Reason - Pink Featuring Nate Ruess (Clean radio version.)
4. Royals - Lorde
5. Roar - Katy Perry
6. Story of My Life - One Direction (Note: I really like Joey Graceffa and Luke Conards cover of this song, which you can listen to here.)
7. Radioactive - Imagine Dragons
8. Stay The Night - Zedd Featuring Hayley Williams
9. Say Something - Christina Aguilera Featuring A Great Big World
10. Cruise - Florida Georgia Line
So there it is.
It was a bit difficult to decide what order to put them in, but this is as close as I could get. There are, of course, quite a few other songs I really liked that were released in 2013, but these are my top ten.
I hope you enjoy! Leave a comment with some of your top songs from the previous year. :)
Friday, January 3, 2014
Lexicon by Max Barry - Semi-Review
When I heard about Lexicon it immediately caught my attention. It sounded really interesting.
Here's what the info says on the inside cover:
"At an exclusive school somewhere outside Arlington, Virginia, students aren't taught history, geography, or mathematics - at least not in the usual sense. They are taught to persuade, to use language to manipulate minds, to wield words as weapons. The very best graduate as 'poets' and enter a nameless organization of unknown purpose.
"Whip-smart runaway Emily Ruff is making a living from three-card monte on the streets of San Fransisco when she attracts the attention of the organizations recruiters. Drawn into their strange world, which is populated by people with names like Bronte and Eliot, she learns their key rule: that every person can be classified by an extremely specific personality type, his mind segmented and ultimately controlled by the skillful application of words. For this reason she must never allow another person to truly know her, lest she herself be coerced. Adapting quickly, Emily becomes the school's most talented prodigy, until she makes a catastrophic mistake: She falls in love.
"Meanwhile, a seemingly innocent man named Wil Parke is brutally ambushed by two men in an airport bathroom. They claim he is the secret key to a war he knows nothing about, that he is an 'outlier,' immune to segmentation. Attempting to stay one step ahead of the organization and its mind-bending poets, Wil and his captors seek salvation in the toxically decimated town of Broken Hill, Australia, which, if stories are true, sits above an ancient glyph of frightening power.
"A brilliant thriller that connects very modern questions of privacy, identity, and the rising obsession of data collection to centuries old ideas about the power of language and coercion, Lexicon is Max Barry's most ambitious and spellbinding novel yet."
It sounds really intriguing, right?
I couldn't even finish it.
Once I got it, I couldn't wait to start it. I got all comfy in my bed and opened the book. Then, out of nowhere, there's a freaking F-bomb only 7 sentences in. I was thinking, "Well, that was unnecessary." But I decided I'd keep reading. Maybe that was the only one. Wrong. There are probably around a dozen just in the first chapter. Now the first chapter follows the assault on Wil Parke in the airport bathroom, and then towards the end of that chapter, one of the main cuss-ers gets killed. So I thought maybe, with that guy no longer in the story, perhaps the language would die down a bit. Wrong again. I didn't even finish the second chapter. Chapter two introduces Emily Ruff, and, unfortunately, she is just as fond of the F-bomb as the other cuss-ers.
Now, I can handle a book with one or two "effin' this" or "what the eff was that for" if it's a really great book otherwise. But come on! It seemed like the author was putting it in there for no reason other than because he can. And when an author can't think of words that are a bit more creative, when he just throws words around like that, it gets annoying fast. Branch out a bit. Make up your own exclamations.
I'm sad to say that Lexicon was a disappointment. I had hoped that it would be a great read, but, unfortunately it was not. In the future I may try to look into some book reviews before purchasing a book that I think looks interesting.
Books should come with ratings like movies.
Overall, from what I read of it, I'd give this book 0 stars. Sorry, Max. Clean out your mind and try again.
Here's what the info says on the inside cover:
"At an exclusive school somewhere outside Arlington, Virginia, students aren't taught history, geography, or mathematics - at least not in the usual sense. They are taught to persuade, to use language to manipulate minds, to wield words as weapons. The very best graduate as 'poets' and enter a nameless organization of unknown purpose.
"Whip-smart runaway Emily Ruff is making a living from three-card monte on the streets of San Fransisco when she attracts the attention of the organizations recruiters. Drawn into their strange world, which is populated by people with names like Bronte and Eliot, she learns their key rule: that every person can be classified by an extremely specific personality type, his mind segmented and ultimately controlled by the skillful application of words. For this reason she must never allow another person to truly know her, lest she herself be coerced. Adapting quickly, Emily becomes the school's most talented prodigy, until she makes a catastrophic mistake: She falls in love.
"Meanwhile, a seemingly innocent man named Wil Parke is brutally ambushed by two men in an airport bathroom. They claim he is the secret key to a war he knows nothing about, that he is an 'outlier,' immune to segmentation. Attempting to stay one step ahead of the organization and its mind-bending poets, Wil and his captors seek salvation in the toxically decimated town of Broken Hill, Australia, which, if stories are true, sits above an ancient glyph of frightening power.
"A brilliant thriller that connects very modern questions of privacy, identity, and the rising obsession of data collection to centuries old ideas about the power of language and coercion, Lexicon is Max Barry's most ambitious and spellbinding novel yet."
It sounds really intriguing, right?
I couldn't even finish it.
Once I got it, I couldn't wait to start it. I got all comfy in my bed and opened the book. Then, out of nowhere, there's a freaking F-bomb only 7 sentences in. I was thinking, "Well, that was unnecessary." But I decided I'd keep reading. Maybe that was the only one. Wrong. There are probably around a dozen just in the first chapter. Now the first chapter follows the assault on Wil Parke in the airport bathroom, and then towards the end of that chapter, one of the main cuss-ers gets killed. So I thought maybe, with that guy no longer in the story, perhaps the language would die down a bit. Wrong again. I didn't even finish the second chapter. Chapter two introduces Emily Ruff, and, unfortunately, she is just as fond of the F-bomb as the other cuss-ers.
Now, I can handle a book with one or two "effin' this" or "what the eff was that for" if it's a really great book otherwise. But come on! It seemed like the author was putting it in there for no reason other than because he can. And when an author can't think of words that are a bit more creative, when he just throws words around like that, it gets annoying fast. Branch out a bit. Make up your own exclamations.
I'm sad to say that Lexicon was a disappointment. I had hoped that it would be a great read, but, unfortunately it was not. In the future I may try to look into some book reviews before purchasing a book that I think looks interesting.
Books should come with ratings like movies.
Overall, from what I read of it, I'd give this book 0 stars. Sorry, Max. Clean out your mind and try again.
Thursday, January 2, 2014
A Series of Events: Part 6
Things went back to normal. I'm not sure what I was expecting.
Awkwardness, I guess. I thought that, after my conversation with Matt on the beach,
things might be weird between us. But they weren't. He was the same boy;
I was the same girl.
I did lie awake that night, though, thinking that I'd really hurt him. Feeling guilty. Dreading being alone with him again, because I wasn't sure what to talk about or how to not act awkward and nervous.
I worried for nothing. The next day, things were the same as before. I was so relieved. We hung out on the beach, the boys got to use their boogie boards, Anne tanned some more.
At one point, Matt came running up behind me, flung me over his shoulder, and ran to the water, throwing me in despite my many protests. That's when I knew we were okay. Better than okay.
Life changed a little after Matt went to college. We didn't see him every week like we'd gotten accustomed to. He had school and homework during the week and then work on the weekends. He stayed busy most of the time. It was definitely different for him. It was different for me too.
There were phone calls and text messages, Skype and Twitter, but it wasn't the same as having him here. Anne and I still had lunch together and hung out, but we both had our own jobs and Anne had other friends she spent time with. She worked a lot, saving money to put into her own college fund. I didn't plan to go to college. I didn't feel like it was right for me. But I had things I wanted to save up for as well.
The times that Anne and I did get together were fun, but there was always this sense that it just wasn't...complete. I felt it and I knew she felt it too. Without Matt it wasn't the same. He always kept us laughing and joking, making ordinary days interesting and memorable. We both missed him.
I can remember one of the rare occasions he was home for the weekend visiting his family. He called us to come over and hang out. I think it was late October. The air was cool and crisp; perfect campfire weather.
"Oh come on! Please? If you help me get this done, we can have a campfire later and I'll share my marshmallows with you," Matt says, trying to convince Anne to help rake leaves. His dad had "suggested" that he rake the entire back yard this afternoon. I don't know Mr. Conally all that well, but from my observations, when he "suggests" something, it pretty much means he's demanding it. So here it is, the weekend Matt is home visiting, and he's stuck doing yard work. Go figure.
I volunteered to help as soon as he mentioned it. For one thing, I think it's kind of fun, and for another, I felt bad that Matt has to do chores during his almost-nonexistent vacations from school and work, if that's even what it could be called. Anne, on the other hand, is harder to convince.
"If the three of us all work on it, we'll get it done really fast. And then, s'mores!" I say, trying to entice her with the the prospect of food. She appears to be debating, weighing the pros and cons. Finally she gives in. "Fine! I'll help. But only for the marshmallows," she says, glaring at Matt. He and I both laugh. I knew she'd crack eventually, especially under the pressure of roasted marshmallows.
Matt hands me a rake and we each start on a section of the yard. Right away Anne starts gabbing about this cute guy at work and Matt looks to me, eyebrows raised. I shrug. I can tell this is the first he's heard about it. Do he and Anne not talk as much as he and I do? We do three-way Skype calls every once in a while, but I'd just assumed they kept in touch regularly. Now I'm not so sure. Anne talks about this guy all the time. He's been the topic of conversation for weeks. It surprises me that Matt is just now hearing about it.
After a few minutes I brush it off. I guess it doesn't matter that much.
We continue raking and I find myself studying Matt. He looks like he might actually be a bit taller, if that's even possible. His hair is longer, but still above his ears, though it's not nearly as drastic now as it was when he first cut it all off back in the summer. It's dark brown and slightly wavy on the ends. It's a good look for him. No holes in his jeans this time. And no tie-dye. I guess he's been taking my advice about dressing classier. I smile to myself. He's actually wearing a nice, dark red sweater, black denim jeans, and stylish brown leather boots. He doesn't even look like the same boy from the bookstore.
"What's wrong?" Matt asks me.
"What?" I say, confused.
"You're just standing there, staring off into the distance," he says, grinning. I hadn't realized I'd stopped raking. I shake my head, clearing my thoughts. I feel silly. He laughs and reaches out to shove my shoulder, but I move out of the way just in time. Laughing, I pick up a handful of leaves and throw them at him. Before long, a full-out war has broken loose. All three of us are running around throwing leaves at each other and jumping into the piles we've raked up. I feel like a little kid. Matt and I both attack Anne at the same time and she runs for cover, but there is none. In her mad dash to escape, she trips and falls into a giant pile of leaves. At first I'm afraid she might have hurt herself, but then she starts laughing. I laugh too, and join her in the pile, lying on my back and staring up into the trees as tears spill out of my eyes from laughing so hard. Matt lies down on my other side. We stay there for a few minutes, enjoying the fact that, at least for today, we're here together, seemingly without a single care.
It takes a few hours for us to get the yard finished. Anne and I sit on the front steps while Matt goes inside to get drinks.
"You like him don't you, Bailey?" Anne says. I know it's supposed to be a question, but it sounds more like she's stating a fact. I knew this was coming sooner or later. I'm actually surprised she hasn't said anything before now.
"No. I mean, yes, I like Matt. But not in the way you're implying." She scoffs. I knew she wouldn't believe me.
"You're lying. I can tell. You like him," she informs me. I just shake my head and say, in exasperation, "Why do you insist I'm lying? Why can't we just be best friends? Is there some rule that says I have to like him as more than that?" I ask.
She laughs. "You're just in denial. You're convincing yourself that you don't have feelings for him because you're too scared to admit that you do. He's still crazy about you. I don't know why you're fighting it. You guys would be so great together!" I roll my eyes and shake my head again. There's no talking to her when she is convinced she's right about something.
"Why does it matter anyway?" I ask.
"Because I want you to be happy, Bailey. Just like me and Jake," she replies, as if my happiness depends on a relationship.
"Anne. You and Jake aren't even dating. You do realize that, right?"
"Not yet. But we will be. He's just working up the nerve to ask me out. I can tell he's gong to, though. Any day now." She gets this sappy look on her face. I'm a bit amused, but I'm also worried that this Jake guy has no intention of asking her out and then she'll get hurt. I hope I'm wrong.
"We haven't had a campfire since our last night at the beach," Matt says, roasting his fifth marshmallow.
"Yeah, it's been a while," I say, taking a sip of my hot apple cider. "I love to watch the flames. They're sort of mesmerizing; constantly moving and changing, yet still the same."
"I just love them for roasting marshmallows," Anne says. I think she's had more than Matt. As he puts his s'more together, Matt gets this serious look on his face, like he's thinking about something more important than marshmallows. I don't say anything, hoping he'll tell us whatever is on his mind. A few minutes of silence pass. Just when I think he's not going to say anything, he does. "Do you guys know what you want to do? I mean like, with your life?" He leans forward, his elbows on his knees, staring into the flames. Anne answers right away. "Of course. I want to open my own hair salon. What about you, Matt? I thought you were studying to be an engineer." That's what I thought, too, although ever since he told me, I haven't been sure that's the best fit for him.
"I don't know. At first I thought environmental engineering would be something I'd like, but now I don't think so. I'm thinking of dropping out." He looks as if he just dropped a bomb and now he's waiting for it to explode. But strangely, I don't feel shocked or even very surprised.
"You're going to drop out?" Anne says. She obviously is shocked. "You've only been there for like, two months. Maybe it just hasn't gotten to the interesting part yet. And then there's your dad. Can you imagine what he would say if you told him?" Yeah, that's what I'm worried about. Matt's dad is an engineer. He wants Matt to be an engineer.
"I don't really care what he'll say. It's my life, not his. What works for him might not always work for me. I don't want to waste my life trying to do something that I'm no good at and I don't even like just to please someone else." He sighs deeply. In the flickering light from the campfire, I can literally see the frustration written on his face. He rakes his hand through his hair. That must be his habit now, instead of the hair flip.
"You know what, Matthew?" I say, "I think you're right. I'm sure your dad cares about you and wants you to have a good life, but it's your decision, and you're the one who has to live with it. You should do something you love. Something you enjoy and that you're passionate about. Maybe it'll take some time to figure out what that is exactly, but so what? Who says you have to know what you want to do for the rest of your life just because you've reached a certain age? I mean, I don't know what I want to do either." I say that last part quietly. I wish I did know. I wish I knew my purpose.
"So you wouldn't think I was a failure if I quit?" he asks, looking at me expectantly. I look right into his eyes and say, "Absolutely not."
I did lie awake that night, though, thinking that I'd really hurt him. Feeling guilty. Dreading being alone with him again, because I wasn't sure what to talk about or how to not act awkward and nervous.
I worried for nothing. The next day, things were the same as before. I was so relieved. We hung out on the beach, the boys got to use their boogie boards, Anne tanned some more.
At one point, Matt came running up behind me, flung me over his shoulder, and ran to the water, throwing me in despite my many protests. That's when I knew we were okay. Better than okay.
Life changed a little after Matt went to college. We didn't see him every week like we'd gotten accustomed to. He had school and homework during the week and then work on the weekends. He stayed busy most of the time. It was definitely different for him. It was different for me too.
There were phone calls and text messages, Skype and Twitter, but it wasn't the same as having him here. Anne and I still had lunch together and hung out, but we both had our own jobs and Anne had other friends she spent time with. She worked a lot, saving money to put into her own college fund. I didn't plan to go to college. I didn't feel like it was right for me. But I had things I wanted to save up for as well.
The times that Anne and I did get together were fun, but there was always this sense that it just wasn't...complete. I felt it and I knew she felt it too. Without Matt it wasn't the same. He always kept us laughing and joking, making ordinary days interesting and memorable. We both missed him.
I can remember one of the rare occasions he was home for the weekend visiting his family. He called us to come over and hang out. I think it was late October. The air was cool and crisp; perfect campfire weather.
"Oh come on! Please? If you help me get this done, we can have a campfire later and I'll share my marshmallows with you," Matt says, trying to convince Anne to help rake leaves. His dad had "suggested" that he rake the entire back yard this afternoon. I don't know Mr. Conally all that well, but from my observations, when he "suggests" something, it pretty much means he's demanding it. So here it is, the weekend Matt is home visiting, and he's stuck doing yard work. Go figure.
I volunteered to help as soon as he mentioned it. For one thing, I think it's kind of fun, and for another, I felt bad that Matt has to do chores during his almost-nonexistent vacations from school and work, if that's even what it could be called. Anne, on the other hand, is harder to convince.
"If the three of us all work on it, we'll get it done really fast. And then, s'mores!" I say, trying to entice her with the the prospect of food. She appears to be debating, weighing the pros and cons. Finally she gives in. "Fine! I'll help. But only for the marshmallows," she says, glaring at Matt. He and I both laugh. I knew she'd crack eventually, especially under the pressure of roasted marshmallows.
Matt hands me a rake and we each start on a section of the yard. Right away Anne starts gabbing about this cute guy at work and Matt looks to me, eyebrows raised. I shrug. I can tell this is the first he's heard about it. Do he and Anne not talk as much as he and I do? We do three-way Skype calls every once in a while, but I'd just assumed they kept in touch regularly. Now I'm not so sure. Anne talks about this guy all the time. He's been the topic of conversation for weeks. It surprises me that Matt is just now hearing about it.
After a few minutes I brush it off. I guess it doesn't matter that much.
We continue raking and I find myself studying Matt. He looks like he might actually be a bit taller, if that's even possible. His hair is longer, but still above his ears, though it's not nearly as drastic now as it was when he first cut it all off back in the summer. It's dark brown and slightly wavy on the ends. It's a good look for him. No holes in his jeans this time. And no tie-dye. I guess he's been taking my advice about dressing classier. I smile to myself. He's actually wearing a nice, dark red sweater, black denim jeans, and stylish brown leather boots. He doesn't even look like the same boy from the bookstore.
"What's wrong?" Matt asks me.
"What?" I say, confused.
"You're just standing there, staring off into the distance," he says, grinning. I hadn't realized I'd stopped raking. I shake my head, clearing my thoughts. I feel silly. He laughs and reaches out to shove my shoulder, but I move out of the way just in time. Laughing, I pick up a handful of leaves and throw them at him. Before long, a full-out war has broken loose. All three of us are running around throwing leaves at each other and jumping into the piles we've raked up. I feel like a little kid. Matt and I both attack Anne at the same time and she runs for cover, but there is none. In her mad dash to escape, she trips and falls into a giant pile of leaves. At first I'm afraid she might have hurt herself, but then she starts laughing. I laugh too, and join her in the pile, lying on my back and staring up into the trees as tears spill out of my eyes from laughing so hard. Matt lies down on my other side. We stay there for a few minutes, enjoying the fact that, at least for today, we're here together, seemingly without a single care.
It takes a few hours for us to get the yard finished. Anne and I sit on the front steps while Matt goes inside to get drinks.
"You like him don't you, Bailey?" Anne says. I know it's supposed to be a question, but it sounds more like she's stating a fact. I knew this was coming sooner or later. I'm actually surprised she hasn't said anything before now.
"No. I mean, yes, I like Matt. But not in the way you're implying." She scoffs. I knew she wouldn't believe me.
"You're lying. I can tell. You like him," she informs me. I just shake my head and say, in exasperation, "Why do you insist I'm lying? Why can't we just be best friends? Is there some rule that says I have to like him as more than that?" I ask.
She laughs. "You're just in denial. You're convincing yourself that you don't have feelings for him because you're too scared to admit that you do. He's still crazy about you. I don't know why you're fighting it. You guys would be so great together!" I roll my eyes and shake my head again. There's no talking to her when she is convinced she's right about something.
"Why does it matter anyway?" I ask.
"Because I want you to be happy, Bailey. Just like me and Jake," she replies, as if my happiness depends on a relationship.
"Anne. You and Jake aren't even dating. You do realize that, right?"
"Not yet. But we will be. He's just working up the nerve to ask me out. I can tell he's gong to, though. Any day now." She gets this sappy look on her face. I'm a bit amused, but I'm also worried that this Jake guy has no intention of asking her out and then she'll get hurt. I hope I'm wrong.
"We haven't had a campfire since our last night at the beach," Matt says, roasting his fifth marshmallow.
"Yeah, it's been a while," I say, taking a sip of my hot apple cider. "I love to watch the flames. They're sort of mesmerizing; constantly moving and changing, yet still the same."
"I just love them for roasting marshmallows," Anne says. I think she's had more than Matt. As he puts his s'more together, Matt gets this serious look on his face, like he's thinking about something more important than marshmallows. I don't say anything, hoping he'll tell us whatever is on his mind. A few minutes of silence pass. Just when I think he's not going to say anything, he does. "Do you guys know what you want to do? I mean like, with your life?" He leans forward, his elbows on his knees, staring into the flames. Anne answers right away. "Of course. I want to open my own hair salon. What about you, Matt? I thought you were studying to be an engineer." That's what I thought, too, although ever since he told me, I haven't been sure that's the best fit for him.
"I don't know. At first I thought environmental engineering would be something I'd like, but now I don't think so. I'm thinking of dropping out." He looks as if he just dropped a bomb and now he's waiting for it to explode. But strangely, I don't feel shocked or even very surprised.
"You're going to drop out?" Anne says. She obviously is shocked. "You've only been there for like, two months. Maybe it just hasn't gotten to the interesting part yet. And then there's your dad. Can you imagine what he would say if you told him?" Yeah, that's what I'm worried about. Matt's dad is an engineer. He wants Matt to be an engineer.
"I don't really care what he'll say. It's my life, not his. What works for him might not always work for me. I don't want to waste my life trying to do something that I'm no good at and I don't even like just to please someone else." He sighs deeply. In the flickering light from the campfire, I can literally see the frustration written on his face. He rakes his hand through his hair. That must be his habit now, instead of the hair flip.
"You know what, Matthew?" I say, "I think you're right. I'm sure your dad cares about you and wants you to have a good life, but it's your decision, and you're the one who has to live with it. You should do something you love. Something you enjoy and that you're passionate about. Maybe it'll take some time to figure out what that is exactly, but so what? Who says you have to know what you want to do for the rest of your life just because you've reached a certain age? I mean, I don't know what I want to do either." I say that last part quietly. I wish I did know. I wish I knew my purpose.
"So you wouldn't think I was a failure if I quit?" he asks, looking at me expectantly. I look right into his eyes and say, "Absolutely not."
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
UPDATE
So, if you're reading this, and you've visited my blog before, (as in, a few days prior) you may have noticed the new design and layout. If you noticed, THANK YOU FOR NOTICING!
Originally, when I first created this blog, the name wasn't supposed to be "Trying Something New." I didn't know exactly what I was doing, so I ended up making it the blog name instead of the title of a post. Woops.
And then I wasn't sure how to change it...so...heh.
Anyway, the point is, I never intended for that to happen and always meant to change the name to something...better. I've been messing around with the layout and design, and I feel like this is more...me. And I like the name. Hope you do too. :)
So basically that's it.
Enjoy!
Originally, when I first created this blog, the name wasn't supposed to be "Trying Something New." I didn't know exactly what I was doing, so I ended up making it the blog name instead of the title of a post. Woops.
And then I wasn't sure how to change it...so...heh.
Anyway, the point is, I never intended for that to happen and always meant to change the name to something...better. I've been messing around with the layout and design, and I feel like this is more...me. And I like the name. Hope you do too. :)
So basically that's it.
Enjoy!
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