Is He/She "The One"?

This is something I've been thinking about quite a bit recently. I've been thinking about blogging it, and trying to get my thoughts organized.

So let's waste no time with pleasantries.

First, a question: Are you familiar with the concept of "The One"?

If not, I'll explain what I think of when I hear that phrase:

I think, when pertaining to myself, that "The One" is a man who is destined to be my future husband (because I'm single, if you didn't know ;)). I think it's referring to one particular man, out of the billions of men in the world, who has been created by God to fit the exact specification of my needs, my personality, my life.
You know, the whole "match made in heaven," "soul mates," "OTP" ("one true pair," as is a popular way of putting it  these days).

So that's the basics of what defines "The One" in my mind. It's something that I've grown up hearing. But not just hearing. I've been taught this concept as if it were the only "right" path to follow.

The path, as I understand it, looks something like this:

1. Make a list of alllllll the non-negotiables. That means you write down all the 500 things that you are looking for in a future husband/wife. These traits are things that, well, aren't negotiable. It means your future spouse absolutely must posses these attributes or it's a no-go. Don't even consider entering into a relationship with that person if they aren't: physically pure, attending church services weekly, spiritual leaders in the church, early risers, selfless, have a good job/work ethic, on good terms/have good relationships with his/her family, dog lovers, future father/mother material, etc.The list goes on and on. It can include any number of things you think are important in a future mate.

*Now, please understand; I do think it's important to have standards, and it's definitely not a good idea to date any random guy/girl you know nothing about, but let's be realistic here! No one is perfect, and no one person is going to posses ALL of the things you put on your list. Husbands and wives are not like Build-A-Bear - you can't create your own.

2. Pray pray pray. This one is simple, they say. You have got to pray for your future spouse because, hello! God already hand-picked them especially for you! Right? I mean, that's what they were created for - for you! But first, God has to shape them and mold them and prepare them...FOR YOU! And then, at exactly the right time and in exactly the right way God will guide him/her directly to you. Your paths will cross and you will eventually (if not immediately) fall in love with each other. In some cases God will even tell you, in a voice that sounds oddly like Morgan Freeman's, "He/she is The One." And you will stop whatever it is you're doing, *cue soft, romantic music*, you'll see that person as if for the first time, and, jaw dropping, glance Heavenward and hear the hallelujah chorus. It's as simple as that.
Oh, but make sure you pray about it often, at least 5 times a day, and if you don't have true faith, it might not work. Just so you know.

*Obviously, it is important to pray. Don't get me wrong here, I'm not saying that praying is ridiculous or pointless. Praying is a very important part of having a good relationship with God. I just think that the way some people pray for/about their future husband/wife/marriage is...well, honestly kind of funny.

3. Don't fall for Mr./Miss. Wrong. So, obviously, from what I've already described, there is only one Mr./Miss. Right, but plenty of Mr./Miss. Wrongs.
Now, you have to be extremely careful at this point, after making your list and praying, praying, praying about it. And you absolutely cannot trust your heart in this matter. Because, after all, "The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?" (Jeremiah 17:9 - in case you were wondering.) You're heart is only going to lead you astray, make you believe that Mr./Miss Wrong is actually Mr./Miss Right. Yes, it's all very confusing, and by this time it may not seem quite as simple as everyone would have you believe, but it's proven to work as long as you follow all the steps in the correct order.

*I'm not saying this verse isn't true. However, I do think that, like so many other verses from the bible, it has been over-used, especially for things that benefit the user and help their opinion hold water. Context, people! Context.

4. Actually, don't date at all. Dating is, to be blunt, not of the Lord, unchristian, culturally accepted, which means that we, as christians who are called to a higher standard, should not partake in the ways of the world. Therefore, we should shun the practice of dating. Besides, what good can come of dating anyway? You're only setting yourself up for heartbreak and disappointment. So of course, the best way to avoid being hurt in life is by not dating. At all. Don't open your heart to someone who is only going to stomp on it, and who, ultimately, you probably aren't going to marry anyway. Save yourself the pain and trouble and just don't even go there. Trust me, there's a better, more superior way, (stated below in #5), and anyone who tells you otherwise is blind to the truth.

*I'm not saying that the way some people choose to date is absolutely flawless. But I don't think it's really about the actual dating itself. I think it has more to do with the maturity of the people involved and the reasons why they decide to date.

5. Just wait. After following the above steps, you've reached #5. Wait. It's as simple as it sounds. Or...is it?
See, the thing is, God already has a perfect person picked out for you. He knows who it is and how you'll meet each other. God will work out all the details. You, my friend, don't have to do a thing! That's great, right? Just kick back, relax, and wait for the delivery man to send your perfect, custom-made husband/wife right to your door! How much easier could it get?
So, instead of making an effort to get to know different people and develop unnecessary friendships, you just have to wait for God to tell you who to pursue, and then it'll be smooth sailing. You'll both become best friends, and then, since God will inform you both that you're OTPs, the guy will propose, the girl will accept, you'll have the perfect Pinterest wedding, and a hot (yet still very christian) honeymoon! And that's the way it will be forever after because this was a match made in heaven for goodness sake!

*By this time, I really hope you've noticed something -  Sarcasm. 

There was a time when I believed in "The One." I thought it was so awesome that God had a special guy hand-picked, per se, especially for me; a guy that I was destined to marry. I used to wonder what he looked like, what his name was, where he was in the world, and if he was thinking about me.
Now it seems silly. How could someone be thinking about me if he didn't know who I am? If he didn't know anything about me? And...who is this he? 

If I follow this train of thought, I begin to wonder if there really is a he at all. I mean, yes, I do hope to get married someday, so there will be a him. But I don't believe that there already is a particular, specific person who is already my him. 

I don't really think there is anywhere in the bible where God says, "I've created someone specifically for each of you to marry. Await further instructions." Or, "This is how you find Mr./Miss Right. See steps 1-5." It just doesn't work that way (though it might be easier if it did).

Of course, someone might say, "But God already knows who I'm going to marry." Yes. That's true. He does. He also knows what you're going to have for breakfast tomorrow. Does that mean he chose you and Frosted Flakes for each other?
He also knows what kind of job you're going to have in the future. Does that mean he created that job exactly to fit your personality?
God knows the kinds of friends you'll have throughout your whole life. Does that mean he created them to be your friends? Does that mean he chose them as your friends? Mm, maybe, depending on how you look at it. But I think he gives us the free will to choose. To make our own decisions. To bear responsibility for our own actions.

For me, to think that there's ONE person in the whole world, out of billions of other people, that I could have a good, healthy, fulfilling marriage with, is kind of...self-centered, selfish, and would make me feel like a jerk. I mean, think about it. We're so special that we have to have someone made for us to be able to get along with them and love them and share our life with them? It doesn't quite make sense to me anymore, now that I've thought about it logically and realistically.
And what about the christians who believed this, and truly, honestly thought that God had spoken to them, telling them that their significant other was "The One," only to get married and, years later, end up divorced. What happened? Did God lie? Obviously that isn't it. Did they hear him wrong? Maybe. But maybe the whole mentality of their being one perfect person for each of us just isn't true.
I think that there are multiple choices for who we decide to spend our life with. I think we should choose wisely, but not become so worried about it that we're actually afraid of making the wrong choice and miss out on a great relationship.  

One last point I'd like to mention is that when we become so focused on the other person being what we need, being right for us, being our Mr. or Miss Right, we sadly become more self-centered and expect that the other person is supposed to make us happy. We spend so much time thinking about our Mr./Miss. Right, that we no longer think about whether we're a good match for the other person. How can we contribute to their happiness? How can we show them that we love them? How can we meet their needs?
We spend way too much time making lists of what we're looking for in someone else and spend very little time thinking about which areas  we can grow in and how we can better love other people.            

I know there a lot of people out there who honestly believe some of these things, so if I've offended anyone, that isn't my purpose in writing this. It's meant to be funny, yet also cause you to question why we've believed these things. So, I hope it makes you think, and maybe laugh a little as well.