Feeling Unworthy

There are times when I feel like shick. Like I'm literally a piece of crap. That I can't do anything right, anything good. That there is nothing good in me at all.
There are times when I mess up so bad I just want to crawl into a dark space and roll up in a tiny little ball and stay there because I don't want to face anyone or anything.
And I wonder how God can bear to look at me when I can't bear to look at myself. I wonder how He can still have such amazing, unconditional, unending LOVE for me....for ME. It boggles my mind. I am a worthless piece of shick, and yet, for some unfathomable reason, the Creator of the universe, the Lord of all that exists, loves and died for....me.
I don't deserve love. I don't deserve acceptance. I want those things, yes. I yearn for those things, but I'm unworthy of them. I've done despicable things. Things I'd be ashamed and embarrassed if anyone knew about them. Things I wish I could undo. Things I regret. And no matter what, those things will always be in my past. They will always be there trying to convince me that God doesn't love me; God can't possibly forgive me; I'm worthless. And though I know that's not true, all the lies come flying back at me when I make another mistake. Because I'm human, flawed, and I will make mistakes. I wish I didn't, and I regret them the minute after I've made them, but to think that we can go through life without making mistakes is unrealistic. I know that, but I still get extremely upset with myself when I mess up. Like tonight. Because I messed up. And I feel unworthy of any of the blessings I've been given, and unworthy of any future blessings. And I don't know how God is so merciful and gracious and forgiving. I don't understand it. But He is.
Even though I know God forgives and His mercies are new every morning, I still feel like dirt. Undeserving. Unlovable. Worthless. But I know that if I continue to believe those things, I'll be sucked into Satan's trap and he'd be having a blast with that. So I won't let him win. I'll pray. I'll get down on my knees and ask the God of the universe to please, in His mercy, wash me of the filthy dirt I'm covered in, to forgive my sinfulness and shape me into the person He wants me to be.
Though I'm feeling unworthy now, I won't stay in this place. I won't let my weak, sinfulness prosper. I won't let it win. I will keep fighting back. And I'll use this to learn by. I don't want to make the same mistake again. But even now, in this dark moment, God's love and grace shines through. Like a beacon. Calling me to Himself. He's calling to you, too. Will you go to Him?