5 Thoughts About Some Thoughts

I feel that I must open with an apology. Mainly to my blog itself, though it's just a thing. But I have neglected it. A lot. Its hard to believe it's been almost exactly one year since I last wrote anything on here. It's been an interesting year. Don't know how else to describe it. But this post isn't a recap of 2015. I may write something along that line later, but not tonight.

Tonight I have something different on my mind.

I've seen and heard a lot recently from various sources about dating and relationships and life in general. There are a lot of different views and opinions out there. I have my own of course, though I personally feel like dating is one of the areas of life with the largest grey-scale. It's like stepping into an unknown realm. Uncharted territory. I don't claim to have a huge amount of experience, or imply that I'm some kind of expert, not by any means. But I just wanted to share some thoughts I've had on this topic.

Thought #1: Dating can be casual as you get to know the other person, but I don't think relationships should be. Personally, I don't believe in dating someone that you already know isn't a good match for you. That's just a bad idea. Use your intuition. Use common sense. It's sometimes hard to resist dating someone who is attractive and whom you genuinely like and have fun with, but if you know you couldn't have a serious relationship with them, it's just kind of pointless. My  thought is, if it's not going anywhere, it's not going anywhere.

Thought #2: Focus less on finding the right person, and focus more on becoming the right person. I think this is important because the person you're so interested in finding, is going to be the person who's also looking for you. What do you think they're looking for in a potential partner? I'd wager they're looking for a lot of the same traits that you're wanting in a partner as well. Honesty both in words and actions. Integrity both in public and in private. Kindness towards others and towards oneself. Humility is sometimes overlooked, but is just as important. Selflessness, because there's no room to be self-centered in a relationship. Generosity, because stinginess is not attractive. A deep sense of responsibility, because a potential partner probably isn't going to be interested in someone who lacks responsibility, even, and especially, in the small things. Loyalty, because if you're not loyal to the ones you care about, how much do you really care?
I've found that personally, these are some things that I want to cultivate in myself, and which I also look for in someone else. It would be hard to take someone I were dating seriously if they didn't possess these important traits. An important question to ask is, "What can I do right now to become more (fill in the blank)?" Don't wait until you're actually dating someone, or in a relationship, to improve something about yourself. Become the things you want others to admire about you, or that you admire in them (such as some of the things I listed above, not necessarily changing who you are or anything).

Thought #3: I've heard this said a lot: "I'll just be happy when/if I have a girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife." And it's kind of sad. I'm sure I've thought this myself at some point, and it's still sad that Younger Brittany thought this. I'm not implying that I don't get frustrated and discouraged now because I haven't met him, (whoever he is) because I do. But I'm not going to allow my happiness and joy to depend on that. Because even if I did have a him, my life would not revolve around my relationship. I don't really think it should, because I think that would be unhealthy. Others may have a differing opinion, that's fine. But I think the only "person" your life should revolve around is Christ. I don't think it's good or healthy to allow anything or anyone else to take that place. I think it's very important to have a healthy set of priorities, what's most valuable to you, and what truly matters in life. But if who you are and your personal happiness are dependent on another person, even someone as important as a significant other, I can't help but think that something isn't quite right.

Thought #4: A healthy relationship is made up of two healthy individuals. That's not to be translated as two "perfect" individuals. Obviously everyone has flaws and no relationship will be perfect because no two people are flawless. But if you're in a relationship with someone who has some pretty serious personal issues, or you have some yourself, or you both do, you can't really expect to have a healthy relationship. You're personal issues will come out. More often than not, a relationship creates or amplifies more problems than it solves. It's not impossible to work thru them, but it will be extremely difficult and may require professional help. But the more self-aware each person is, the easier it is to address certain personal issues and other problems that arise in the relationship. If you can't take care of yourself and overcome your own problems, it's less likely that you'll be able to adequately take care of someone else and help them work thru their problems.

Thought #5: Communication is key. This is something that, again, you don't need to date anyone to work on. Gaining good communication skills doesn't require a significant other, and hopefully you'll be fairly decent at it before you have one. I know from experience that a lot of problems and misunderstandings can be avoided by communicating well. I'm not the best at communication, but I've definitely made some progress over the years. Communication is only partly talking in an intelligible manner. Listening may be even more important than sharing what you think and how you feel. Listening to the other person while they share their thoughts and feelings is so important and something that I think most people value immensely in others that they're close to. Listening, without offering a solution or telling them what they should do to "fix" their problem, shows that you care about them, that you're truly interesting in hearing how they feel or what they're going thru. I've found that a lot of times it's best to only offer a solution if it's requested, and just be present and empathetic if it's not. There are definitely times when tough love is needed, but using discernment in such situations is always a good idea.

These are just 5 thoughts that have been floating thru my mind recently and I thought I'd share them with you. If you have anything to add please feel free to do so.

Thanks for reading, and may the force be with you.