I'm going to do it....
Even though I'm not at all sure about this....
I'm going to do it anyway....I'm coming out. I've spent enough time being a closet writer. I think it's high time I let you read the things I've written, and hopefully will keep on writing. Not that it's award-winning stuff or anything like that. But, by allowing you to see my writing, I'm allowing you to see a deeper part of me.
See, even though I'd like to think that I'm 100% confident in who I am as an individual, and that I don't require anyone else to give me affirmation, there is still a part of me that fears the opinions of others. Especially those I value most, those I respect. Of course, that doesn't mean I will change the way I view myself, because I know who I am. But even though that's true, fear is why I've not shared my writing with you, my friends.
My writing has always been more of a private, personal thing throughout my life. I've only let a select few read my stories or poems. With the one exception a long, long time ago when I submitted a short story to be entered in a contest at the library (it won second place, but, uh, that's not of much consequence...). So, now, allowing anyone who pleases the opportunity to read these words is...kind of a scary thing. Just the thought of you, someone who knows me, reading what I've written here, learning my thoughts, my opinions, my crazy ideas...well, it's actually a bit uncomfortable for me.
But I'm doing it anyway.
Writing has always been a source of relief, of comfort, meditation, therapy. I'm not the greatest at expressing emotions or explaining my innermost thoughts, but when I write them down, everything seems to magically come out in a way that's, believe it or not, actually comprehensible. I'm much better at communicating with the written word than I am with speaking. I can never seem to communicate things as clearly as I'd like, which makes me think that I'm misunderstood quite often. But writing, well, it comes so much more naturally. Why is that? I have no idea.
So here is where i reveal parts of myself to you, the one reading this. Here is where, every so often, I come to release the thoughts that I cannot manage to speak out loud, not from lack of effort, but because the correct words refuse to reveal themselves, or rather the wrong words escape me and I sometimes say stupid things, or use the wrong words which give my thoughts the wrong meaning to the person hearing them. Of course, there will always be things that, no matter how clearly they are explained, or how straightforward something is written or spoken, someone somewhere will misinterpret it. Oh well. All you can do is try.
But I always want to do my best to convey my thoughts as intelligibly as possible, which proves to be rather difficult at times; my brain is a jumble of thoughts and ideas and my own opinions based on many different factors. But writing is a big help in sorting through all of that. I don't know what state my mind would be in without it.
And now I think it's time to share it with you.
If you took time out of your day to read these words I've written, I want to thank you for that. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to show you a little bit of myself, a glimpse at who I am. Not just in this post, but in the others I've written as well, if you happen to take a look at them at any time. Some are more blunt and straightforward than others, and though writing comes more naturally for me than speaking, I know my opinions aren't always correct and I don't always use the perfect words. So please bare with me and my imperfect humanity.
Thanks for reading.
Merry Christmas!
---------------Brittany Hastings--------------
